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YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

0 posted 2000-07-02 10:51 PM

I have thought of suicide.
often.
I've actually seen myself
hanging amidst the screams
of dashed dreams; the fear
and helplessness stripped
of any & all pretence.
Awash in the primal
dissonance
of death, face
to face with life;
a siren song/
a grim cacophony
strewn along senseless
paths of why.

But I choose life.

YeshuJah*)

Forrest Cain
Member

since 2000-04-21

Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA

1 posted 2000-07-02 11:32 PM

Yeshujah, good choice. To lecture(oh no please dad no lecture) still to you I say
Your life is not your own it belongs to those
who love you and to those you love.
Still I follow your search for meaning beyond
the basics of food, clothing, shelter,sex
etc. The need for direction to know why and where. All I know is breathing feels better
than not breathing.

Your friend forrest

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

2 posted 2000-07-03 05:22 AM

awww, i was disappointed in this ending. i think its too abrupt maybe. maybe a repetition like (forgive my presumptuousness)

i have thought of suicide.
often.
But i choose life.

something. it needs more. it lacks an honesty somehow the way it is, at least it seems so to me. JMHO
luv Elyse

eldridgejackson
Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 91

3 posted 2000-07-03 09:28 AM

I agree with Elyse you gave us the reasons that you considered sewerside but you didn't give us the rasins why you decided on life.

I think it would complete the poem.

Of course opinions are like butt holes everybodies got one.

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

4 posted 2000-07-03 10:31 AM

Forrest,
I do perhaps need a lecture every now and again.  Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm not so sure that breathing feels better than not breathing, in the sense of being dead anyway,only beause I've never had that experience.  As for my life belonging to anyone.  I categorically disagree.  The word 'belong'denotes possession, and possession implies acquisition.  I don't know that a life can be fitted into these closed box ideas.  I belong to no one and no one belongs to me. Still I appreciate your comments.  Thank you.

Elyse,
Come on.  This is a poem, not a novel. That omission is intentional. I am enticing the reader to go through all of the possible reasons why the character choose life.  I am attempting to create tension here by leaving out resolution.  I do not want the reader to feel good with the ending.  I want it to haunt.  Thanks for your comments though, I consider the comments in here valuable.

Jackson,
See my post to Elyse regarding abrut ending.  Your last comment made me laugh out loud.  I never thought of it that way.  Truth is, the details of why the character did not do the act would be too much to go into.  The possibilities could numerous and would certainly burden down the poem, and take away from the picture painted in the poem.  The character's is meant to haunt, not give explanations.  Thanks for reading and commenting.

My regards to all.
YeshuJah*)

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