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Detaching Myself From Truth
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Detaching Myself From Truth |
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zArAThusTrA New Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 5 |
Detaching Myself From Truth Ideally speaking, of course, I exist only in my mind. I live betraying my thoughts and actions of heart. And I give all I have and get nothing in return. Strange how I find such solace in my blind mutilation. So I go against the grain, go against my soul. Restraints found in fears and the unknown, they keep me tied down, tied up, and held back. And again as I plunge deeper into the twists and turns that I, myself, have created, I being to see clearly, that nothing is really there. I've noticed my motives are tainted beyond recognition. Where I no longer know truth from fiction. Love, from lust. If there is such a difference, or to what degree. And I begin to second guess myself for simply holding your hand. Perhaps on the other side, you have known all along. You may feel no electric current run throughout your entire body when I begin to hold you, as I do. But that is by no fault of you own, indeed, the forces which surrender us to one another cannot be drawn out, at lengths, nor at will. Such is the case with us, and much to my misery. Continuing on, I hold in contempt those who draw me near. Unconsciously I beg to feel the touch, the words and thoughts of another, but once seen in close proximity, my walls flare and I no longer have control. I've heard myself say before, I cannot be touched unless by you. But how it came to be so, I am at a loss. And though I hold in no esteemed regard, the words or thoughts of others, some have said you and I are different. Honesty in its most frigid form, but strangely to my liking. This triggers my analysis and dissection. If the world were simple, if the workings were logical, any pain would then vanish from my existence. For the life of me, I cannot understand. Spilling from my heart, my soul, come promises of an eternity that is yet to be fulfilled. You see, such passion lies beneath my bones. Passion for life, for you. If there is such a difference, and to what degree. So many nights I spent dreaming up fantasies and hideaways where we can drift and take life by storm. And how many times I've tried to subconsciously take you with me. But you lie in his bed. Unmoving. And I scream inside, what keeps you there? Anatomy? Fear? But my lips are sealed, I can't make you love me. So I begin to detach and distance myself, to the gut-wrenching dismay of my soul. Thinking this might do some good, or at least be less futile than my three year course of action that has brought me heartache. And somehow, managing to stay close, so you know I'm still here. Triggered again, I always will be. You taught me life. What it is to love, to hurt, to feel truth, and know falsities. In the grand scheme of things, this means nothing. And I begin to fear, for the millionth time this second, I'll never fully hold you. |
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
sometimes truth is bitter...I can relate to it..its difficult I know.. SIncerely A_L |
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