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Critical Analysis #1
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my belly, my shield
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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my belly, my shield |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
I create you from both love and hatred You protect me from my fears from rejection from failure You shush me before I say something stupid. You're my alibi my enemy my curse my best friend my shame my Achilles' heal my comfort my Jugular my perfect excuse, I can't do anything until I send you away I'll do everything once you're gone. You're the only one who's always there. The dragon I know I can slay, some day. You hold me and rock me with your grotesque arms, like a hopeless crack whore, sweetly rocking her baby... It's futile, we all realize, but for just a few seconds, there is freedom. And love. You're a thief I invite into my house, Even though I know your intentions I know you'll rob me blind, eat my soul but maybe you'll also protect me from having to try too hard... From having to prove, to reprove, and reprove myself yet again. Those who love me, who would see me happy, see you only as my suicidal sword. Don't they see, you are my shield, too? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Gonzalo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi Jimtoo, It's late, and I am going to have to get back to this...and re-read it a few times. The meaning is eluding me at the moment, or maybe I'm just dense, period. I'll get back to this tomorrow... Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi again, I liked your words, phrases, structure and the list of "my's", but I'm sorry...the full meaning still evades me. Is it about an eating disorder? I know, of course, that I can interpret it as I wish, being the reader, but I am always curious to know what the writer intended. Nice work, Jimtoo, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
You hit it dead on Kris. Specifically, the tendancy of somepeople with Major Depression to binge (without purging) and gain massive ammounts of weight in relatively short periods of time. Most of what I've read on the subject adresses the instant gratification the binging provides, and the vicous cycle created when the guilt that follows can only be relieved by more binging. I encorporated that here a bit, but I'm more interested in the "shield" metaphor. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
gonzalo-- i thought this was a really interesting piece. i had no idea, really, what you were talking about even after reading it a few times, until i thought about the title (and focused more on the line "eat my soul," which initially i didn't like), and it all started to make sense. i thought the line "from having to prove and reprove and reprove myself yet again" was excellent, with the play on repeatedly proving oneself as well as on expressing disapproval, very clever and well done! i think maybe the piece could be tightened a little by taking out some of the lines between line 5 ("you shush me..." through line 14 ("my perfect excuse"). some of them, like "alibi" and "perfect excuse," seem repetitive, and, while there's certainly slight differences between the others (like enemy, curse, and shame), i don't think a list like that adds a lot to the piece, especially when you say pretty much the same thing later in much more vivid terms (with the crack whore and thief images, i especially liked those). if you really wanted to do a list like that, i'd maybe keep alibi, enemy, comfort and curse, and drop the rest, but of course that's just my opinion. the "hopeless crack whore" was a very vivid and arresting image, but i thought it jarred a little in tone or in voice with the dragon slaying and the shield/sword metaphor elsewhere in the piece. you might consider deleting the dragon slaying lines just before it (they seem repetitive anyway of the line "i'll do everything once you're gone") and letting the crack whore take center stage where she belongs, lol. all in all a really interesting and provocative piece, gonzalo, you paint a very intense and powerful picture here, quite thought-provoking. thanks for sharing this with us. jenni |
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