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Peaches
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Peaches |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
**secretly, i have been wanting to post this poem for some time. its just so...well, i love seeing (or reading  ) peoples' reactions to it. and, in light of the recent banter we've had on Forrest's "belw twin rocks" post, i thought now was the perfect time to post it. sorry, last thing before i actually put the poem, i wrote this at the request of a friend of mine, who wanted a poem he could publish in a school mini-mag that was about this, but not Really about this. ok, im quiet now**Peaches how do You eat a peach Do you sieze it from the tree Sinking your teeth in immediately Devouring its flesh until its juices stain your chin? Or do you pluck it gently running your fingers over its smooth and fuzzy skin savoring its smell reveling in its ripeness Pressing your lips to its taut skin before letting your teeth break through its exterior to suckle its meat provoking it to juice in slow steady streams that dribble gently down your throat Do you hold it in your hand and pierce its skin with your knife rending it open to its core Applying the knife, making bite size morsels to be taken on tongues and sucked of their sweetness How do You eat a peach? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ahem ... how well do i know you elyse? do i know you well enough to open up and reveal all my erotic secrets ........?? er ......... nope !!! ......lol Nice fun extended metaphor elyse.... ~smile~ philip PS i love peaches any way btw .....~grin~ [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 06-10-2000).] |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse you need a boy friend. Though I`m sure you have dozens since your such a peachy girl. By the way how do they eat peaches in North Carolina. I`s hard here because we only have one tooth. your biggest fan forrest |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Elyse: Echoing Philip's *ahem*, I enjoyed the extended metaphor also. The knife, in my opinion, may have been a little too strong, suggesting violence where I think you intended to communicate something more along the lines of passionate roughness. I think the second stanza is great (it almost made me blush, btw). Nice work, Elyse. I'll have to share this one with the wife. Jim |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
 philip, i too like peaches any way they co- have them forrest, there is no traditional peach-eating method, (although, if you look at our law books, some methods are forbidden) jim, the knife thing was too much? cuz i think we need a phallic symbol, hmm, maybe if i said "butter knife"? sinfully yours, Elyse |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This flows well -- don't think you ever take it too far in an adult direction. Still, I wonder if you might expand this, play with it and take it farther than others have gone with the images -- maybe work on a more association poem, a more 'wow' poem. Just some ideas, Brad |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
love the imagery, gets me all excited. You're probably going to *bite* me now, but it reminded me a bit of that song by suzanne vega, "My Favourite Plum", 'scusing the Brtish spelling, but only because of the use of juicy fruit. Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Elyse, this is very good. When I first read it, my initial thought was I must have been alone too long. Now I see that everyone else had a similar realization. I have to agree with all that your extended metaphor was excellent, flawlessly presented. Thanks Pete |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
elyse-- very nice! i especially liked the second stanza, lol.  in the third stanza, i thought the lines "with your knife" and "applying the knife" were a little redundant and too close together; you might think about deleting "with your knife" and moving "applying your knife" up to that line: Do you hold it in your hand and pierce its skin applying your knife rending it open to its core making bite size morsels to be taken on tongues and sucked of their sweetness just a suggestion. one more thing, don't know if it matters to you, you have a question mark at the end of the first stanza but not at the end of either the second or third. nice poem, elyse! thanks for sharing it with us. jenni |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
ooh, that does sound better jenni! thanks for that. pete - please realize when you feel depraved, you are never depraved alone lotharingia, ive never heard that song before. but then, if i got you all excited my mission is accomplishedbrad, it may be very dangerous to encourage me to go on and on, especailly about peaches. but i appreciat the reply luv Elyse |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Elyse, Sorry I'm so late... This was perfectly tantalizing (as I'm sure you meant it). Very well-written piece of semi-erotic poetry...sensual, yet with a feeling of innocence...nothing overly obvious or sexual written...all only implied. You should post this in Adult...they'd love it. Nice work, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
I enjoyed your poem. But now everytime I go to the produce department at the grocery store. I get aroused. Please don't write about how to pound a hammer or I will be banned from Home Depot. |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
awww! well, i guess if it will keep you out of home depot i can make the sacrifice. everyone is entitled to his power tools thanx Kris! although, i dont think im ready to commit the cross-post crime luv Elyse |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Elyse I think this poem should have a rating system: "Warning, for mature audiences only" or "If reading this alone please do not try this at home"  I liked it Elyse, it definitely shows you enjoy peaches in an X-rated sort of way. Are there any other fruits you enjoy eating this much? Bananas maybe...  I'm sitting here chuckling to myself, thinking how many men reading this wish they were the peach.  debbie Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
I'd better go out and get me a few peaches. Or is one enough? I guess this is what you mean by saying without saying. Pretty smooth..pretty smooth. YeshuJah*) |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
well, im glad all the newbies can be exposed to my depraved side. its exciting, really naw, im just kiddin. debbie, lol. maybe you should write the banana poem. we can package them and sell them as a boxed set. people will love it. we'll be sinfully rich YeshuJah, i recommend getting many, many peaches, but always be safe - bring napkins luv Elyse [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 07-02-2000).] |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
foremost, i enjoyed your poem. But, i need some help with technique...Not on how to eat peaches. i am new at writing poetry and i visit CA for ideas on technique. i am wondering why you use capitalization only at certain points (sporadically) and only use punctuation three times and sporadic as well. enlighten me if you will. thank you, Bob <>< |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
mmm, a complicated question there bob. well, i use caps for emphasis in places. mostly for emphasis, sometimes when i start a new thought. i only use punctuation when i specifically want a pause or stop in the middle of lines, and occasionally at the end of lines. usually, i want my lines to kinda spill onto each other - it lets the reader decide the rhythm more, and also allows for a bit of word play. that answer yer question? luv Elyse |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
I wonder if were allowed to eat peaches in heaven. luv forrest |
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