navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » What Then
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic What Then Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

0 posted 2000-06-05 11:47 PM



What if,
my cold Inquisitors,
bold crusaders,
holy warriors,
you die.
and heads held high, march off
to the afterlife, swelled with
the joy and light of Righteousness
only to meet a worn faced God
who sadly shakes his head and sighs,

"no, no, that is not what I meant at all."


**ok, so i dont like my title, anyone got a better one?


 Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

© Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved
Joshua Garrett
Junior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 21

1 posted 2000-06-06 03:50 AM


I like this one and how your (I think) saying that people who are out there doing good things but lack worship or doing it all wrong. I also like how it is short and gets to the point and doesn't mumble on and on.

- Joshua Garrett

lotharingia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany
2 posted 2000-06-06 06:42 AM


I love this poem. Although I don't think it's about people lacking worship or belief, I think it's about misinterpretation. What if God didn't want anyone to be killed in his name? How sad he really would be about us and what we get up to here!
Wonderful!


Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
3 posted 2000-06-06 11:47 AM


elyse .. this is where i get to accuse you of being in a "funny" mood .. this you understand is to alleviate my feelings of outrage lingering from a good many weeks back when Brad said something similar to me after i posted a poem in a similar sorta of vein to this one...  

i like all these semi playful digs at the relationship between God and man, and more particularly at man's arrogance.  In fact I can't get enough satire about man's arrogance especially in the arena of religion.

nice one elyse ... concise and to the point and "worn faced" is exactly what i'd expect God to be after watching the antics of us lot for a few hundred years ... what the heck is he gonna look like after a few tens of thousands ... wow ..the heavenly hair replacement outfits will sure have a lucrative time ......  

~grin~

well done Ellyse  


Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
4 posted 2000-06-06 12:05 PM


hi joshua!  thanx for your comments.  although i was thinking more along the lines of what lotharingia said when i wrote it, i am always open to interpretation  
lothatingia, thanx for sayin such sweet things to me
philip, whaddya think, wanna go in halfsies with me on starting up the Heaven branch of the Hair Club for Men?  we could really clean up.  
luv Ellyse



 Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
5 posted 2000-06-06 06:01 PM


you're on Elyse ..lol  ...just two problems:

1    There's a good deal of doubt as to whether i’m going "up" or "down" and i guess in the lower department hair is kinda difficult to come by - maybe its all been frazzled off..

2    I'm going get wherever i’m gonna get a whole lot sooner than you - so how'y gonna trust me ..eh? heh heh ..lol... i’ll have the market stitched up (or should that be stitched ON..lol) and be long gone before you get there ... perhaps some kinda infernal contract or other ........lol... i have a good idea .. maybe we could enlist jenni's help in drawing something up .. she's a lawyer, and most lawyers are infernal anyway .....lol

whaddya think?

Philip

PS Gawd (oops ..i mean “bother”) ..i just thought of another snag ... lol.... just supposing HE is a SHE !!!!!!......... think on gal (a Lancashire expression meaning get your brain in gear) .. maybe we need to add some kinda salon to the chain as well .......

PPS another (this time major) problem ...... jenni’s fees ... omggg ... she don’t come cheap !!! maybe we could cut her in on the deal .. come to think of it .. as a lawyer she’s bound to “go down” (heh heh ..I’m sooo funny tonight)... maybe she can look after the hades concession ... I’ll leave you to persuade her though .... it’s not that I’m scared or anything ..... just kinda busy  

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
6 posted 2000-06-06 07:28 PM


hmmmm, i dunno.  i am related to two lawyers, (read parents) i really dont think we need to drag Their kind into it (no offense jenni darling!)  i have firugred out our second problem, we can just find David evangleista, ( i just luv him, he's so funny!) and drag him into our diabolical plan.  mwahahahaha!  ahem, i mean, we would ask him to join our innocent little buisness venture.  amen.
luv E

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
7 posted 2000-06-07 02:25 AM


Elyse nice and to the point. "thou shall not kill." What`s hard about this for people.
To take anothers life is to destroy part of your soul. God does not sanction murder.
A better title, gee I don`t know. {Don`t you ever sleep.} I`ll think on it.

forrest

[This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 06-07-2000).]

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
8 posted 2000-06-07 08:39 AM


Elyse make that Linda and you've gotta a deal .......   ... oh just in case you're in any doubt here's the full specification ..heh heh:

Linda Evangelista

Date of Birth: May 10, 1965
Place of Birth: St. Catherines, Ontario
Nationality: Canadian
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Blue/green
Height: (cm) 177 (ft/in) 5' 9½"
Bust-Waist-Hips: (cm) 88-61-89 (in) 34½-24-35
Dress Size: (US) 8
Shoe Size: (Eur) 38; (US) 7

(see Canadians do have some good points ...j/k trev!!  )

.....now then enough of this tomfoolery i need to post a poem or i shall be exterminated as an imposter .....     .. just gotta write one first ....lol

bfn

P

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
9 posted 2000-06-08 12:16 PM


AH HA! This speaks to me of Pharisees, those dudes who prayed as loud as possibly that they want NOT to be anything like the Gentiles (OMG A Gentile..NO!!!!!!!)
I, with my strict Baptist upbringing and strict AVERSION to legalistic so-called Christians can totally relate. I like this lots!
~Heather

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
10 posted 2000-06-09 02:53 PM


Elyse you most beautiful of poets. I bow to
your greatness. Alright enough B.S. Still I
love your poem even after a third reading.
But I want a favor. My brother has posted a few poems and needs some serios feedback.
He goes by eldridge jackson and is alittle discouraged. He`s a wonderful songwriter and muscian and has written lines like "the pain
they are feeling can not be explained
but it`s something like forty days of rain"

 

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
11 posted 2000-06-09 06:27 PM


anything for you forrest, my biggest fan      
luv E

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » What Then

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary