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Critical Analysis #1
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homeless and hungry
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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homeless and hungry |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa 
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There he stands sign in his hand, "Homeless and hungry, will work for food." Everyone sees him, but no one cares. He just hopes that someone will share. Looking for a little humanity, he looks to the sky and prays. Wondering if he'll sleep in the streets tonite. Wondering if he'll be alright. Hoping tommorrow, will be a better day. Hoping tommorrow things will change. He tries so hard, He cries so long. Waiting for life to sing him his song. He only wants to be like us. Living in something other than a burned out bus. Looking for that one big break, He hopes to see another day. Still he stands sign in hand "Homeless and hungry pleas help." P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pat Kotrch - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
This prompts me to say, "there but for a twist of fate go I"...good assessment of the real demon, wretched poverty. |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
tis true what you say. the wretched demon aways showing his head. felt it needed to be said. P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
The biggest problem I see here is the other passivity of your character -- he waits for somebody to do something for him. If you want to show 'the dreaded demon' than show his ACTION and the ignorance of society or the callousness of society. There is no turn, no epiphany, no movement to this poem -- it's a static picture. By far the majority of the best poetry written (tempted to say all but I haven't read them all) have some sort of movement or realization, some sort of change happening within the poem. I don't see that here. I wonder if you might try longer lines with more detail -- the sights, the sounds, his feeble movements. What was he like in the past? A doctor? A veteran? Is he an alcoholic? Is he on drugs? I've talked to a several homeless people in my life (my friends say I bring them out of the woodwork) and some have just had a run of hard luck but some have serious problems that they have to deal with? Give us more of a picture. Just an opinion, Brad |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
Brad, I appreciate the criticism. However, this was just a spur of the moment poem. I see this gentleman everyday on the street and he is dressed pretty nice and not that badly kept up. So I just thought I would quick jot down a few thoughts about what I thought. As far as your suggestions go, I just might finish this poem off. I could use a little help and if you are willing to co-author this with me I would be honored. I've just started to write things like this and I find that some things are easier for me to write about when someone like you who has some insight can help me to understand. Thank you for replying to this poem as I didn't know where else to go with this. Now that I have a little suggestion, I might as well run with it. P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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