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Critical Analysis #1
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Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

0 posted 2000-05-27 12:07 PM



The Magazines came today.
STONE SOUP we called it.
all in capitols because it was
all us.  all ours.
and we deserve large letters.

"We" are the STONE SOUP staff
"We" are the ones who ruffled
all the pages of all the stories
and all the poems
and decided which
were good or bad with a
delirous or disgusted groan.

Hours.  lots and lots
All stacked up, that we spent
aligning this and that
Comma here, double space,
there's no "s" in affecsionate.

And now, I can touch it and it's
beautiful.  I read it again
for the first time,
and am amazed.

All the pieces that we chose
All lined up neat and perfect.
The cover gleams, delighted
in its own glossiness.
It recognizes the luxury
for a student publication.

And they are so Good!
I had forgotten.  I was pinned
under the stack of hours, and
the evil misplaced apostrophes.
But now, in the quiet
all alone with what we've bound,
unflinching talent all tied up
tight in a ball, clasped in cocky caps,
I am crying.

And this joy is more than
knowing your friends pen
Picasos and Monets
These tears honor more than
sweat stains that bound beauty.
They stream because we are,
all of us, staff, artists, all
part of our STONE SOUP.




 Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

© Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved
Tim Gouldthorp
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170

1 posted 2000-05-27 03:17 AM


Elyse,
Elyse,
Obviously this poem seems to be about some person experience (perhaps constructing a University publication?)
I thought the poem was good, the only thing that confused me a bit was that in the earlier passages, "deciding what was good and what was bad" etc it seemed that the poem was about criticising grubby editiors as they stupidly dissect poems, but later it turns out this is not the case at all.
Keep up the good work,

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
2 posted 2000-05-28 01:35 AM


well, thankyou tim!    although, this was still a High School publication, my last since i graduate this saturday WOOHOO!  oh, and we were completely grubby, us editors.  you should've seen us.  does that fix yer confusion?  
luv Elyse




 Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
3 posted 2000-05-29 12:17 PM


Hi Elyse,

Congrats on graduating,

It's getting late here so I'll be a little brief and save ya from my overdrawn cut and paste routine. Please excuse my abruptness.

Perhaps "We" doesn't need to be in quotations in the second stanza.

Third stanza I really liked except for the first line. Seemed to plain.

Consider rewording the fifth stanza, one suggestion would be something like:

"The pieces that we chose
lined up neat and perfect.
The cover gleamed, delighted
in its own glossiness.
It recognized the luxury
for a student publication."

I thought the double use of "All" really stood out and didn't flatter the stanza.

I really liked the last stanza. Good way to end it. All in all it was a good poem and an enjoyable read, thanks, take care,
Trevor


jenni
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478
Washington D.C.
4 posted 2000-05-30 01:41 AM


elyse--

i really enjoyed this poem!  the hard work, dedication, laughter, joy, love and pride you felt throughout this project and upon seeing the journal in print are all there; very well done!  

a few typos, capitol should be capital, delirous should be delirious, but no evil misplaced apostrophes, lol.  

good job here, elyse, and congrats on STONE SOUP!  enjoy your summer, and i hope to see lots more of your wonderful work out here.  

jenni

Elyse
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC
5 posted 2000-05-30 01:01 PM


thanx trevor and jenni!  yeah, the quotes on "we" is pretty stupid.  that should go.  alright, ill give up one of my "all"s, but ya cant have both!  
i will never learn how to type correctly.  i have given up hope.  oh well, at least y'all can understand what i meant.  thats somethin.
its so sweet of y'all to congratulate me on graduatin. no more HS for Elyse!!!! yay!!!!!
ahem.  im better now  
luv Elyse




 Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
6 posted 2000-06-04 01:08 AM


Elyse sorry so long in reading this. Very
enjoyable read(as you predictably know
I like all your poems). I hope you don`t
abandon us since you`ve graduated (what am I thinking, of course you want you`re a word junky).

thanks forrest

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