»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
The Travellers
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
The Travellers |
|
|
allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
|
Mixed colours sparkle briefly through Forward Screen Heralding Arcturus' suns A friendly greeting then from this our latest port We come to gather fresh blood New followers for the fold "Passengers" for our glorious ark Drifting now to land grey, tense and uninspired, gazing listless at the dark... -ö- Through 'Screens' to Central All in order "On you go..." And out to the hordes 'same in every sector relentless motion & search for survival A soft smile to one another The same old game played once again. "It's too easy" Bored. "Don't worry. 'Over soon. We'll drink their best tonight." Liquid pulse thought electric faster than starlight flicker A group of five drift easy, close behind Tagged now in instant melding "One-Two-Three and A-B-C..." And so home free. "Leavers" Positive okay. Good. Goodbye Starfire. Flick up. Away. -ö- Smiles all round. Relax. Feet up. A cathedral of stars light Forward One. Halo on halo we sit in shadows of silver. "...sweet stuff..." "Mmm.. Nice design..." "Blackberries and green marmelade..." "Yeh, and pumpkins fresh from the field..." Silence falls. The ship hums softly. Smiling, incisors palely flicker. 5 ghostly stars dance slowly on each one. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I have to admit I enjoyed this. It reminded me of the 'living vampire' series in Marvel comics -- Moebius? Can't quite remember at the moment. Another reference seems to be the "To Serve Man" episode of Twilight Zone. I'm all for using these type of images in poetry (although I think I'm in the minority on that one). I'd think about fleshing it out a bit more -- give it a little more narration (gee, Brad, now why in the world would you say that?  ). When you have a theme that is as 'strange' as this one, it often helps to write in a more familiar style. Conversely, if you have a very common theme you want the language to convey the strangeness.In other words, make the familiar strange and the strange familiar, the old seem new and the new seem old. I think you do this but I wonder if accessability might be a problem here. Thanks, Brad |
||
|
allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
I take your meaning Brad: "...make the familiar strange and the strange familiar, the old seem new and the new seem old. " I was in my way trying to do just that. Fleshing it out (no pun intended?) is a good idea but might get gruesome. My imagination starts to run into the problems of making these guys too positive - after all they are rather nasty, if discerning, gourmets! (I couldn't quite decide if I should leave it at blood - but I think the storyline reveals that they store their specimens for future little soirees such as the one depicted). Some other references were Hemingway, Alien, Dark Star & The Searchers. Here's the view from the other side! A Planet Eats Itself! ** Flash! ** Big News! See the Barbarians! Laugh your antennae off! Your reporter can hardly contain himself. Such a strange race has been found! What they find, they eat! You just have to see it! The Time Nexus shows for 3 million years they lived just like us. Respecting themselves, their planet. Then Zow! See them eat! It's a hoot! They scurry each day to and fro. They call it working! Then buy all this krek with the stuff they get! You have to see it! But, try not to laugh! These poor primitives have caught some terrible disease. And must be released... Catch this InScan while you can! Laugh, groan or learn! AVAILABLE 'TILL 3rd SettingSun! Tune in then for Planet Flash Erasure! (Molecular Dispersion Meditation to follow). Should be a great show folks! And now we return you to your scheduled broadcast of "Honeymoons in Hyperspace" Enjoy! [This message has been edited by allan (edited 05-25-2000).] |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Allan: I've been a fan of this sort of writing and I enjoyed your poem even though I am relatively unfamiliar with the objects of your allusions. During my first read I detected a little bit of the sinister in your use of "new blood" and was glad to see you meant it to be read this way. The first stanza brought "StarBlazers" to mind but this thought was quickly dispelled by your second stanza. I enjoyed the poem without the "fleshing out" but have a feeling that I would enjoy the "fleshed out" version just as much. Nice work. Jim |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
