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Critical Analysis #1
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1565
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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1565 |
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redshoes Junior Member
since 2000-05-22
Posts 12Massachusetts |
1565 Trapped by a mixture Of gasoline and wax While trampled By hundreds That ran across your back It was Chaos, and mayhem While wordlessly you slept And the Fire Never burned you It only kept you young. The public Embraced you But never came To claim you A thumbprint Of soot Your only mark of abuse Trapped With tigers, And men that could fly And Toetagged Just a number 1565. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jaclyn C. Stevenson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wow! |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
redshoes-- this is a very interesting piece. the middle section was quite strong, i thought, especially the third stanza. i have trouble understanding, though, just what tigers and "men that could fly" in the final stanza have to do with anything; the connection between these images and the subject of the poem is simply too vague, in my opinion. anyway, i enjoyed this piece. thanks for sharing it with us. welcome to passions, and i hope to see more of your work out here. jenni |
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redshoes Junior Member
since 2000-05-22
Posts 12Massachusetts |
jenni- the subject of the piece is a fire that occurred in Hartford, CT. in the forties, in a circus tent. Of the hundreds that passed away, all were identified except for six, five of which could not be identified because of the fire. One was a little girl that didn't have a mark on her, but no-one ever came to get her. She remained just a number. I was so intrigued by the story that I wrote this poem, but I agree that the story is not clear in the body of the words. I may shift it around a bit, or maybe just a disclaimer at the top would help. Thanks!-red |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Redshoes: I also think this is an interesting poem. At first I had difficulty figuring out what the poem was about but figured it had something to do with a someone who was trampled by a panicky crowd. I think it is possible to get the gist of the story by what you have written but it does take a little bit of figuring out (nothing wrong with this). I was, however, lost to the significance of the number "1565" until I read your explanation. I think if you are able to paint a more easily recognizable picture, the reader will be more likely to sympathize with the anonymous victim. Thanks for posting. I enjoyed this. Jim |
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Seoulman Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 41 |
Hi Redshoes, Welcome to you too! I'm just a part-timer and definetly no critic! I personally liked your poem, and the imagery evoked some distant village in India or something-the panic, tigers, the stench of gasoline. And I like a bit of mystery in a poem so the significance of your title was highlighted only in the last stanza. Well done and have fun! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
i've been wanting to post on this for a few days but was slightly put off by the fact that i really hadn't a clue what it was about ..(not that that should have stopped me eh? brad? jenni? ...lol) I agree with jim though to the extent that where a poem is about a specific event and moreover the force of the poem relies to a fairly large degree on the reader having some appreciation of what the event is, then it is perhaps necessary to be a little less obscure, or alternatively rely on having a more informed and astute audience than ME ..LOL Now i know what the story behind this is i see there was a definite clue in the "tigers and flying men". In any case i certainly enjoyed the middle part of the poem even without the background info. ....now i like the whole lot ......  thanks Philip YAY .. and just seen your profile ... British Movies !! a poet with taste !! see that jim? heh .......... btw Red call 'em "films" please ......  [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 05-25-2000).] |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Welcome to Passions! interesting title that drew me in....i initially thought this was a poem on some convict but i was wrong Lovely tribute to 1565...looking forward to reading more of your work |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
RedShoes~ It was evident to me on first-read that the victims were related to a circus fire - 'Trapped With tigers, And men that could fly' Also realized that the morgue # was evident in the 'toetagged' phrase. Didn't know the exact story ... but it didn't affect the effect for me. I really like it and think that perhaps your idea of a disclaimer (even though I find them usually unnecessary to good poetry) may be an idea to consider, perhaps as a tribute to those victims of the Hartford circus fire. Enjoyed this very much. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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redshoes Junior Member
since 2000-05-22
Posts 12Massachusetts |
Marge- Thanks so much for your kind words and for seeing the intricasies of thep oem...I appreciate it! |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
This is very moving. I like the way you let the words tumble down, like the little girl trapped and trampled. The form of the poem is effective and well thought out. It adds a lot and it measures out the the range of emotions to be felt by the readers. |
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