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Dreamer
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Dreamer |
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prophyt081 New Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 1 |
Rays of sun born through clouds became Newborn twins' incarnated light, Delivered through godliness into my dreams. Dreams, like blanket around my body warm, Parallel the stars in sea of sky, Swallowing moon in glories' of heaven. T 'is impossible for dreams to be less than Wading in the abyss of Heavens' shore. If slumber calls me while I bath in these waters', Let me never wake. But, if by dawn I am baptized upon prodigal suns' return, Let me never sleep. |
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| © Copyright 2000 prophyt081 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
prophyt, I really liked your work here. The "progidal sun's return" was my favorite part. One bit of advice however, the more replies to other's work you post the more response your own work tends to get. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
prophyt-- an interesting piece, chock full of biblical stuff. i must confess i have no idea what you are trying to say, though. that could well be my problem, not yours (i am a blonde, after all, lol  ), but i think perhaps it is just too vague. i don't know. i think the problem, for me, anyway, is with the speaker's identity, or rather the lack thereof. i can say this, lol: you don't need apostrophes with the plural "glories" or "waters", and "bath" should be spelled "bathe." i look forward to hearing what you or anyone else has to say about this piece. jenni |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
i thought this was really nice, thick with imagery and no fat to trim. i only might think about regrouping the last stanza into 2 stanzas. i should think either before "if slumber calls..." or before "but if by dawn..." nice first post, and welcome to passions luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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