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Critical Analysis #1
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Lonelypoet
Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 123
Conklin,NY,USA

0 posted 2000-05-17 09:24 PM



  Friends are the people in whom
we give our trust.
  To laugh with,
or to cry with.
  To share the memories of the
things that have happened and to
have them by you when the things
that will happen, happen.
  It doesn't matter matter who they
are or what they are like to you,
all that matters is that they're
your friend.

(dedication to: Leslie,Lisa,Megan,Liz and many more)

© Copyright 2000 Chris - All Rights Reserved
epoet
Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa
1 posted 2000-05-18 11:17 AM


truth be told in this fine poem.
Friends are friends forever.
tis best to be a friend, than a friend never to have.


 

jenni
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478
Washington D.C.
2 posted 2000-05-18 11:28 PM


lonelypoet--

ok, this poem has a lovely sentiment, but you did post it in critical analysis, so i figure you might want some feedback beyond "this is poem with a lovely sentiment."

well, there doesn't seem to be much here beyond empty phrases and cliches, awkwardly phrased at that, especially the last two sentences.  and "friend" in the last line should really be plural.

suggestions?  unless greeting card verse is what you're trying for, try taking some or one of the qualities of friendship you state here, and showing the reader these qualities in action.  

jenni

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
3 posted 2000-05-18 11:36 PM


I agree with Jenni.

I wonder if you might move this to Open. You might get a better response there.  If you want criticism, however, could you just post a note and let us know.  

If that is what you want, be prepared.  

Brad

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