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KF
New Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 8


0 posted 2000-05-15 10:46 PM



        Scream

     In my mind
     I weave
             intricacies of you
         like Munch
           devouring
     the dark complexity of your smile
     the primeval gestures
            muddy the waters
     twisting         turning
         s c r e a m i n g
     towards a blood red sunset
                jaw dropping
     I consent
     the keen touch
               I soak in
     the tenderness of insanity
     and devour blood red


     KF


© Copyright 2000 Kathleen Fitzpatrick - All Rights Reserved
bboog
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303
Valencia, California
1 posted 2000-05-15 11:18 PM


KF~
"The Scream" is a painting by Munch isn't it? I often have difficulties with poems that refer to paintings as I often need to have the painting straight in front of me in order to allow myself to further enjoy the poem.
  I liked some of the words but I didn't quite "get" this one. Sorry!
best regards,
bboog

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
2 posted 2000-05-16 11:43 AM


KF:

Here is a link for anyone interested in seeing the artwork alluded to in this poem.

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/9046/Munch.html

KF, welcome to CA.  I don’t think I’ve had the chance to read one of your poems in here before.  To the poem … I agree that it is helpful to have a copy of a piece of artwork alluded to in a poem as a reference. I, however, am of the opinion that it is more often than not the reader’s responsibility to make the effort to find the resources necessary to understand the poem more so than it is the responsibility of the poet to give the reader everything.  I found the above link in about 30 seconds so I don’t think your allusion was an unreasonably difficult one.

I liked your poem but wonder … Why you are teasing me by telling me that your mind is weaving “intricacies” without going into intricate detail about the image of whom your mind is weaving?    I get the impression (pun intended … subtle as it is) that there are either sexual or violent undertones to your poem but I cannot decide one which way to swing.  Maybe both?  Maybe neither?

One other thing … the first use of “blood red” to describe the sunset evokes an image for me but the “devour blood red” left me a little confused.  This is, actually, what hinted at violence to me (“blood” being a noun rather than part of the “blood red” modifier).  My thoughts after looking at the painting and reading your last line were of vampirism.  I’m probably ump-teen light-years off the mark but even so, I enjoyed the poem.  Thanks for posting.

Jim

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
3 posted 2000-05-16 02:06 PM


Firstly, KF:  Nice job.

Secondly, to Boogers and Jim: You guys are no fun, I was so excited that I actually caught the reference and knew what he was talking about, then I scroll down and you have it all layed out already!

Ok, now to the poem:
I liked the effect of the format that you used for the lines.  If you were trying to get the same horizontal swirlie effects as the painting, then I think you did a pretty good job.  And leaving a mouth-like whole between "twisting" and "turning" was a nice effect.  However, I think what you start out to do in the first four lines isn't exactly what you accomplish within the rest of the poem (don't get me wrong, I really like the poem).  Rather than compare "you" to Munch's painting and use "The Scream" as a metaphor, you seem to do more describing--putting the imagery of the painting into words (which I think you did an excellent job of this)  I'm not really sure that this is a problem, so consider it more of an observation than a criticism.  I totally agree with Jim about it being the reader's responsibility to first recognize the reference and then find a copy of the painting, etc.  BUT in a workshop enviroment, you might consider posting a link (as Jim did) so that those reading your poem can double check your reference.  I didn't see the vampire thing until Jim pointed it out, but the imagery in the poem does seem to hint at it (although I'm not sure about the painting)  Keep up the good work!  

KF
New Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 8

4 posted 2000-05-16 05:10 PM


thank you for your commentary.

now to do some explaining...

i used Munch's painting, firstly because i figure the majority of people, whether they know it or not, have seen it before, but most of all, i was attemping to capture the over all feeling of an insane, intense relationship. the blood red sunset is the "you"...note other references such as "primeval gestures" "keen touch" "tenderness of insanity"....but most of all, i was trying to link the intensity of Munch's painting to the intensity of the relationship and the darkness of love...

well, thanks for the input.

KF

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