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Critical Analysis #1

Soft

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

0 posted 2000-05-11 11:43 PM

Smooth
Something once remembered
Diffuse
hazy glimmer

Sanded
caramel center
fluffy pillow
curtain billow

gentle curves
arching echoes
sugar touches
Simply sensual.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2000-05-12 03:59 AM

You know, these two don't quite work for me. I'm not sure what the problem is but I think your trying to spend too much time trying to invoke an adjective instead of letting the adjective set the mood for something more concrete. In other words, your kind of moving in the wrong direction here. I'd also like to see a little more coherence in the sound of the poem. It doesn't really sound soft to me.

Just an opinion,
Brad

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

2 posted 2000-05-12 08:22 PM

aww man, it doesnt sound soft? i thought it did. all those s's and round sounds. how can i make it sound softer?

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then . . . . I contradict myself;
I am large . . . . I contain multitudes.
-Papa Walt

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