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A Tribute To My Mother
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Tribute To My Mother |
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Grace Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 19 |
The day has come when we must say to Mom our last good-bye And in our hearts we're feeling sad As tears fall from our eyes ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ But know one thing death has not won the battle that she fought Her faith was strong and she held on to the words upon her rock ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ She stood by us through good and bad Yes! she was the bestfriend I ever had ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ God has her now and there's no other who can take the place of my Sweet Mother! M.G.M. 1/09/95 < !signature--> [This message has been edited by Grace (edited 06-03-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Mary Grace - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Grace Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 19 |
I'm adding this small note about the rock I spoke of. It was just that a rock a friend had painted the 23rd.Psalm on for her. She even slept with that rock in her hand & requested that when she passed on it be placed in her hand forever.It was!! |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
grace-- this is a lovely tribute from the heart. i see you wrote this 5 years ago; thanks for sharing it with us now, as mother's day approaches. peace, jenni |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Grace, Wow. There is a lot of emotion coming through this poem. Poems like this are sometimes hard to critique (for me atleast) because the author has a lot of feelings tied up in them, but poems that are permeated with emotion as this one have potential to be really great. Here are my comments: --I loved the format of this poem (the dividers between stanzas) --The added detail about the rock is great, I would definitely try to work it into the poem. --you might experiment with the language a little more, try to come up with more unique ryhme patterns than bye-eye and bad-had or you might even just go completely unrhymed and concentrate on voice--I say this because I think the ryhme distracts from the emotion of the poem. I hope my comments are helpful. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Grace, This is an excellent tribute. I agree with Kirk, it is difficult to pass critiques when there is so much of personal feelings to the poem. The theme here is excellent. Still, if you need rhyme in your second stanza, you could say it this way. That Death has not won the battle she fought, This thing I know for sure, Strong was her faith as I always thought, The words upon her rock, she held on dear These are simply a juggling around with words, I do not wish you to change anything, since as it is now, it expresses your strong feelings for your late mother extremely nicely. Regards, Sudhir. Take each day as it comes, Consider each day as a flight, Try hard to succeed and fly, Surely then you will reach some height. But if by some chance you don’t, Remember that tomorrow will always come. Learn this well and learn this hard That today’s efforts will pay for tomorrow’s fun. A Crazy Monster, a.k.a Ski |
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