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Over Before It Started
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Over Before It Started |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
Over Before It Started Save my life Please won’t you All I ever needed Was someone to be with me Nothing can take me away I can never go away without you Last week’s incident Should never have changed anything Never have you ever blamed me before Planted flowers are dying in the yard Without the strength of two But you like to play around Without realizing your fate Everyday when we talked I loved you more than ever But a friend of ours Ruined all that with her mouth Now maybe we’ll be never It isn’t a shame though I am alone, so alone Why have my friends left For a different group Where love runs wild And fun is free But you are all I ever need Only I must tell you somehow |
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| © Copyright 2000 LenMcC1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the last stanza and wanted more description. You've got an interesting idea here that teases the reader (okay, that may just be me)but doesn't quite satisfy. Why? I think you've left out some important details and some of your phrasing is a bit awkward. On the one hand, you seem to be trying to write a straightforward 'conversational' poem, but on the other you seem interested in playing with the placement of words. I suggest that you choose one or the other. Still, I think there's a lot you can do with that final stanza. Just an opinion, Brad |
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