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Devote
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Devote |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
Devote Devote Devoting my life To an endless smile Seek Seeking a way To smile and disobey Feel Feel the wind As it brushes skin Smell Smell the sin As we all grin Come to our side and be my friend Your passion will get you in If you die on the way You will only cement your legacy Hear Hear a Heart That beats for you Love Love a man Who does not understand Grieve Grieve for me If you ever leave Believe Believe in us Though I’m not much Take me with if you say no What could hurt if I don’t know To die alone would be your loss I am always with you every river we cross |
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| © Copyright 2000 LenMcC1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Hmmmmm, this is confusing me. Maybe I just don't get it but it seems like your taking words that you find interesting and letting what happens happens -- can't see anything wrong with this type of exercise but I would suggest that you try to make it more concise, create a more din-like effect if you will. The first stanza is intriguing however. Who's smile are you talking about? Just an opinion, Brad |
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WTVamp Junior Member
since 2000-05-01
Posts 18Salem, OR, US |
I like your format, it's almost like a free-write, but obviously formatted into a rythym. Very fluid and thought out, but still gives a kind of sense of open verse and freedom. Sounds good! |
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