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Critical Analysis #1
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Kirsty24
Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40
Australia

0 posted 2000-04-29 08:18 AM


We met so long ago now
I can't remember when
We become good friends
And  have learnt alot since then

We have often wondered,
What more of it is to come?
What more can we be but friends?
Now all is said and done

It has taken so long to get here
And yet there is still so far to go
To actually see you face to face
Until then we wont know.

I have dreamt of all the ways
That things can possibly be
There is one I always come back to
It always ends with just me

We meet under the moon lit sky
The stars shine our way
But with all the things we know
There is nothing left to say

You turn your back to me
And slowly walk away
But the thing you will never know Sam
Is that I live on to see another day

The words now remain unspoken
There is love we will never share
But never forget this one thing
I will always care


© Copyright 2000 Kirsty O'Hara - All Rights Reserved
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
1 posted 2000-04-29 08:30 AM


Kristy,

I feel the poem is quite a great collection of thoughts. Very tight in flow. But if I may, I would like to be a bit critical here.

First line - We met so long ago now
"now" does not fit in the scheme of things of the past.

Punctuations need a bit of a look in.

I liked the punch line at the end -
But never forget this one thing
I will always care

Nice poem, hope to see more from you.

regards- sudhir

 Take each day as it comes,
Consider each day as a flight,
Try hard to succeed and fly,
Surely then you will reach some height.

But if by some chance you don’t,
Remember that tomorrow will always come.
Learn this well and learn this hard
That today’s efforts will pay for tomorrow’s fun.

A Crazy Monster, a.k.a Ski


Kirsty24
Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40
Australia
2 posted 2000-04-29 08:55 AM


Sudhir,

Thanks for your comment, and only so soon after I had posted...  
Amazingly I had the courage to send the poem to the person that it was about and he thought that it was nice. I suppose that is the main thing right??? Anyway thanks   :R

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