Antz(a concrete poem) - pipTalk Forums

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Critical Analysis #1

Antz(a concrete poem)

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2000-04-29 07:15 AM

Ant
(searches desperately
4 winter
stores)

xiety

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

1 posted 2000-04-30 02:18 AM

is this modeled on ee cummings' l(a ?  thats the impression i get, and it would work fairly well for that, but i would suggest doing some freaky spacing with the letters, you know jumping around, here, lemme do a tiny example

(s  e
     a
  r
            ch
   e    s

see, to act out the anxiety.  oh, and see how its spelled?  mebbe you could figure a way to deal with the extra T.  or, keeping it and going with phonetics, because it does sorta sound like "ant" is in anxiety, i would spell it "ziety"

or i could be completely wrong and you were trying for something totally diferent.  (would NOT be the first time

)
luv Elyse

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

2 posted 2000-05-01 06:08 PM

I thought this poem was nice because it concentrates our attention to a single thought or image: the nervous, dire activity of ants. I like Elyse's idea about the format. That would help add something extra to the poem without altering the focus.
If you left the top the same and the bottom the same it might also help clear up the connection between ant and xiety (which I took to combine to form an(t)xiety. If you decide to pick up this format idea I would drop the parenthesis --if not I would space evenly between Ant and the body and xiety and the body or italicize the main body some way.

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