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Critical Analysis #1

Strong I Stand

jaxjoy
Member

since 1999-12-14

Posts 112
Texas

0 posted 2000-04-26 09:43 PM

Strong I Stand

My conscience set me free to touch
the hollows of your soul and such.
Why dost thou abstain from me
and softly go thy sweet decree?
Tis oft I yearn to hear thy voice
to soothe and lull this heartbreak's noise.
Not a soul could bring such ardent splendor
with a touch, embrace so tender.
I walk alone with empty hand
weakened heart but strong I stand.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-04-27 08:54 PM

jaxjoy:

I liked this. I wasn't crazy about your choice of the words "and such" to end you second line (I think it makes the rhyme seemed a little forced), but otherwise, I think your rhyme scheme flowed naturally. I liked the idea of the shift from modern to archaic language but think you could strengthen the transition. Because of this weak transition, I think it is easy for the poet to interpret the current format as inconsistent rather than deliberate.

Nice work.

Jim

[This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 04-27-2000).]

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