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16 mm. Star
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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16 mm. Star |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief 
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I wish life was just like the movies. I wish reality was in black and white. If it was I wouldn’t have to deal with these, Feelings that aren’t always right. Life is too damn complicated. Simplicity seems so, so far. And as the black and white reality is faded, The more I wish to be an old film star. Do you remember when bad guys wore black, And the good guys were truly good? Now that I’m older and looking back, I see life doesn’t go as the movies would. Now, I wish I could have read The plot before I took on this role, Then I might have been ahead. I might have still owned my soul. But, sometimes the lens gets smeared, Changing reality from what it had been, And then just as the audience feared, Sometimes the good guys don’t win. understanding is misunderstood |
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| © Copyright 2000 wes wiggins - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Merlot New Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 7 |
I like how the poem expresses a longing for something that is hard to obtain. It seems as though some things are unreachable, particularly a life in which you wish to live, I know exactly how you feel. |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief |
Yes some things are kind of hard to get a hold on. I'm glad you liked it. understanding is misunderstood |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Effigy, I enjoyed this poem very much. It brought out a very harsh reality. I have trouble concentrating on line after line without a break. Probably my eyes --) Otherwise, enjoyed Thanks netswan |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Liked your topic and I think we all long to know good/bad absolutes and not these confusing shades of grey. I tend to like movies along this line ie. really good good guys and really bad bad guys. Thanks for sharing. forrest |
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Robin Junior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 48Cardiff, Wales, UK |
Nice work Effigy. Maybe life used to be like that in the heyday of Hollywood. Nowadays, we get less clarity in the hero and villain role. Perhaps life imitates art? Good one ot share, thanks Robin |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Nice poem. You could cut some unnecessary language though (I also toyed a little with the format). Here are my suggestions: I wish life was just like the movies. reality was in black and white. I wouldn’t have to deal with these Feelings that aren’t always right. Life is too damn complicated. Simplicity seems so, so far. Black and white reality is faded, I wish to be an old film star. When bad guys wore black, Good guys were truly good I’m older, looking back Life doesn’t go as the movies would. I wish I could have read the plot Before I took on this role, I might have been ahead. have owned my soul. The lens gets smeared, Changing reality, Just as the audience feared, The good guys don’t win. See what you think, use whatever is helpful. Kirk T Walker |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
effigy-- nice poem. the idea of yearning for the "black and white" world of the old movies is a good one, although i think you might have developed this more. (actually, alot of the old time film stars played morally ambiguous characters (cagney, bogart, clark gable and errol flynn from time to time, not to mention bette davis and vivian leigh, lol), but i know what you mean, lol, especially if you're talking about westerns, lol.) i think the line "i still might have owned my soul" is a little overblown, and "these feelings that aren't always right" is a little vague; if you clarified what you were talking about in both places, and made more of a connection between the two, you'd have a really effective piece, in my opinion. your meter is kind of uneven throughout the piece, too, you should watch not only the number of naturally stressed syllables, or beats, in each line, but the number of unstressed syllables between them, and keep whatever pattern you decide upon fairly regular (if a metered, rhyming poem is what you're after, and it seems like you are). if you don't, some lines will seem "short" (for example, "now, i wish i could have read"), and others stumbling on too long ("i see life doesn't go as the movies would"). just a suggestion. anyway, thanks for an interesting read.  jenni |
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief |
Thanks for your post everyone. I've gotten some good ideas. Rhyming poetry is some what of a new beast for me. I am generaly very free verse. sometimes dabbeling in acrostic poetry. thanks again. There is something inside me and I know it's good, but understanding is misunderstood. |
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