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Critical Analysis #1
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Dante
New Member
since 2000-04-25
Posts 2
Calgary, Ab, Canada

0 posted 2000-04-25 01:37 AM


"All gone now"

Standing outside this winters night
I remember you
the words that we said
the smiles that we shared
in that never-ending summer

all gone now, all gone now
fade into the night
consumed by the dark
all gone now
wave goodbye and say goodnight

I wrap the cold around me
it freezes my tears
half-fallen half-formed
the dark swallows up my sorrow
swallows up my past
swallows up my soul

all gone now, all gone now
drift into the dark
no coming back
all gone now
wave goodbye and say goodnight

sunlit dreams and happy times
eaten by the black-eyed beast
that preys on the night
he's taken my heart
he's taken my soul
he's taking my life

all gone now, all gone now
I slip into the night
never coming back
all gone now
wave goodbye and say goodnight

-Dante


Pls let me know what you think and what improvements can be made.  Thx!    



[This message has been edited by Dante (edited 04-25-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Dante - All Rights Reserved
revolution
Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20
atlanta, GA, USA
1 posted 2000-04-25 09:46 PM


out of curiousity, is this a song?  it seems to have repeats/refrains in it like a song would.

i think a "never-ending summer" is a cliche in written verse, but it could pass set to music.  it is SO hard to write love poetry without something like that creeping in!

still, it holds together well thematically, and i really like the "black-eyed beast" and "i wrap the cold around me"..    thanks for the post!

Dante
New Member
since 2000-04-25
Posts 2
Calgary, Ab, Canada
2 posted 2000-04-25 10:17 PM


Thanks for your reply  

It's not a song, I wrote it myself, but I have absolutely no musical talent.

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
3 posted 2000-04-26 01:05 PM


While reading your poem, a tune tried to unfold in my mind. This really could be a song. I liked it. I did.  
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