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Critical Analysis #1
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rene
Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 113


0 posted 2000-04-24 02:15 PM


the lights on your horizon swell
with promises of crimson lips
i lost my soul
my dak desires
pulled me into your eclipse
And set me on a funeral pyre
   (deep as a well)

© Copyright 2000 rene - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2000-04-26 03:05 AM


Can't help but feel that you're playing around with some Indian or Hindu images here.  This would be great if you expanded on that image or tried a comparison with the funeral pyre and some images of Vegas.  Drop the rhymes -- I don't think they help.  Is 'dak' a word or a typo (I hope it's a word and a word I just don't know). Give this one the time it is due.

Just some thoughts,
Brad

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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » Death IN Vegas- isha

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