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The battle
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The battle |
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zorkon65 Junior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 27 |
This is a poem that is a matephor for life we all have battles and the easyest thing to do is surrender and let jesus win for us THE BATTLE By Charles Herring The battle field was drawn, Before the dawn of time. The day is here, All have arrived. The sacrificed lamb leads the march, Now it is time, Two armies stand One praising God on high, The other cursing his name. The trumpets sound, The field comes alive. Many are falling all around, The Christ stride through the grounds. No one can touch him. No weapon can harm him. He leads his saints over the enemy encampments. Till they are faced by satan himself, He leaps and delivers the fatal blow. Jesus the Son of God, Crumples, like a paper doll. The saints are aghast, The demons celebrate, For on this day victory is theres. But then a ray of light, Shines from Jesus. A voice from heaven proclaims, He is not deafeted, He arises and takes his sword, Casts down the demonic hord, Never again can they harm us, Never again. [This message has been edited by zorkon65 (edited 04-25-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 charlie Herring - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kurly Junior Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 48 |
Great Poem! |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Zorkon: First, I want to echo Brad's statement in "Criticizing the Criticisms" by pointing out that we general discourage a barrage of poetry submitted by the same poet at one time for several reasons (see the forum guidelines) but I agree with him that your enthusiasm is commendable. One way, by the way, you can drum up more attention to your own poetry is by commenting on other poems in this forum. That said, welcome to Critical Analysis and to Passions in Poetry. Now to your poem. First, I would suggest that you proof-read your work carefully. A few typos can be very distracting to the reader by breaking up the easy flow of the read and causing the reader to pause to try to figure out what you meant to write. One example: "The battle field was dawn, Before the dawn of time. The day is here, All have arived." I think the first "dawn" should be "drawn" and "arrived" has two "r's". Others include the mispelling of "encampment" and "again". The poem reminds me of an old song by Carmen called "The Champion", including a mistake that Carmen made in the song's content: "Till they are faced by satan himself, He leaps and delivers the fatal blow. Jesus the Son of God, Crumples, like a paper doll. ... The saints are aghast, The demons celebrate, For on this day victory is theres." Since you seem to be approaching this subject from an Evangelical Christian point of view, I will try to shape my critique of the content within that point of view. The portion of your poem (and Carmen's song, for that matter) that runs against the prevailing Evangelical understanding of the crucifixion of Christ is in the suggestion that the death of Christ was a day of victory for Satan. This simply is not so. In traditional Christianity, the death of Christ signified the perfect atonement of man to God. That is the meaning of the rent veil in the Holy of Holies in the Jewish Temple at the time of Christ's death. The Holy of Holies was a place where, once per year, the Hebrew High Priest would offer a blood sacrifice for the sins of the Jewish people. The rending of the veil symbolized that there was no longer a need for an annual sacrifice. If Christ's death was a perfect sacrifice that defeated sin for all mankind for all time, how, then, can the death of Christ be perceived as a victory for Satan? The disciples were certainly disallusioned (for a couple days) but I think it is hardly arguable that Christ's death was perceived as a victory for Satan. Of course, that is only my opinion and I could be wrong. Keep in mind that I am only setting forth what I understand to be the prevailing Evangelical Christian view. You are always entitled to disagree with me. If I am wrong, feel free to correct me. Again, welcome to CA and to Passions. Jim P.S. A question for Kurly ... Why was this poem "great" to you? Did the subject matter move you? Was it because of the way it was written? Critiques don't have to be detailed to be helpful to the reader. A simple, "I thought the way you expressed this idea/feeling/thought" is much more valuable to the poet than a simple compliment because it points to a specific strength of the poem or a particular element of the poem that seems to work well. This knowledge is carried over to the next poem the poet writes and, more likely than not, will result in the improvement of the poet's writing. P.P.S. I know Brad said he wouldn't critique the critiques but I made no such promise.   [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 04-24-2000).] |
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zorkon65 Junior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 27 |
opps sorry about the typos i will get those fixed just i don't have time right now, i read the forum rules and would like to apoliges for monoplizing the forum. And about satan thinking christ's death to be a victory, think of it as he would... Cool i just killed the son of god i am all that! ok mabey he would not act that way but he sure got one hell of suprise (yes the pun was intended) and about the carmen song ummm.. this will sound funny the night before i wrote this i went to sleep listing to his CD that has the champion on it that was the last song i remember hearing and the same in the morning when i woke up it (played all night) that was the song i remember hearing first thing so the song greatly helped the writing, but did not write it this came to me that night in a dream 1 second before i get free time i will be on-line reading and responding to poem's <>< work like you don't need the money, dance like no one's watching, and love like you've never been hurt |
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