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Critical Analysis #1
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Love Sonnets
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Love Sonnets |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Hi Jim....invitation accepted  Although I'm not the one known as Lancelot, both these sonnets are from my hand and I'd like to find out what you guys think before these are posted in the Workshop. LOLA girl got to do something to get some attention. Do I get to meet the highpriest now ?  My Love, Lancelot My Knight thou art my love, my life, my sin Thy love’s a guiding light, the brightest star Ethereal thy touch, like Angel’s wing Thy fiery glance, embracement from afar This heart is thine forever and a day Thou holds upon thy hand my fragile soul My being trembles with delight each day For thee, my kindred spirit, passion sole Oh Lancelot, thou sets my heart afire But what, I ask, mine heart bereft of thee ? A cold and lonely dungeon; chained my fire ! As Neptune who cannot return to sea I yearn to drink thy cup of Love divine And pray the day to come thou steals what’s thine ~ Guinevere ~~~~~~~~~~ My Lady Dear My Lady Guinevere, my love thou art Thy love, in darkest night, a beacon bright Thou sets my soul afire, all notion parts Thy glance beyond ethereal delight Thy touch alights my darkest gloomy night Alike to Dragon’s breath my passions burn No quest, no grail can keep away thy Knight For thee, my Love, from Death I shall return My solemn vow for now and evermore My heart, my soul, my life belongs to thee Beyond the end of time and Heaven’s door My love thou art for all eternity I yearn to drink thy cup of Love divine And pray the day to come thou claims what’s thine ~ Lancelot Munda [This message has been edited by Munda (edited 04-22-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Munda - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Munda, Oh, my goodness...I can't believe it! ... these are the first you've ever written? They are absolutely wonderful...so romantic, in the style of sonnets of old. You've done an exquisite job here, Munda, and it looks as if you were made to write sonnets. Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Actually Kris, these are # 3 & 4. We did English sonnet before in the Workshop, so I'm cheating a little. I'll go for the Italian sonnet this time, but these just floated from my mind, great muse Guinevere and Lancelot, and the last one is new so I can use it for the workshop. Thanks for reading and replying and even more for liking them.  (((((HUGS))))) |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Oh my gracious... be still my heart... Exquisitely done Munda... Sheeesh... didn't know Shakespeare was reincarnated in the Netherlands... |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
M~ I must confess that I'm not the best at constructing a sonnet, but my hat is off to you for creating two of them. Congratulations. Suggestion: in the first one you write these lines Thou holds upon thy hand my fragile soul My being trembles with delight each day For thee, my kindred spirit, passion sole I don't think that "soul" and "sole" are considered rhymes. Maybe change this "whole" line? bboog |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Munda: Sorry it took me so long to respond to your responses to my invitation. I hope you don't think I was being rude ... I am rude sometimes but I hope you didn't think this was one of those times. To your sonnets ... there was a discussion in here a few months back regarding the use of archaic language in modern poetry. In the case of your sonnet, I think that the archaic language is justified by the identity of the speakers. So ... what other languages, in addition to modern English, a variation of early modern English, and Dutch do you speak, Munda? I would suggest that you take a look at your word choice a little bit. There are several lines that are made to sound choppy or overencumbered by the overuse of single syllable words. It is easier to arrange single syllable words in iambic pentameter but I think the longer words usually evoke stonger images and improve the flow of the line. I had no problem with "sole" and "soul", by the way. I think one could say, technically, that use of these words as rhyme words is a short-cut but I don't think you've committed a major transgression. One problem with the content ... Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere had an adulterous affair. With that in mind, could you rightly call the cup divine? Just a little distraction to me. Thanks for answering the invite. I'm glad you accepted. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 04-25-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Munda, I'll try to get back to these but I issue fair warning: Be afraid, very afraid. I'm not called the ogre for nothing you know. Jim, Uh, these aren't written in Middle English, they're written in a variation of Early Modern English. Middle English is the language of Chaucer and it's hard to read. Hey, we all make mistakes. Brad |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: Where do you see Middle English? I think you are seeing things, my friend. Okay, so the "edit" line gave me away ... I was just testing you. Jim |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Uhh...Mike...(blush)...thanks.  bboog - "Soul" and "sole" sounded like a rhyme to me, but hey, I'm Dutch. Thanks anyway. Oh boy, Jim (or was that Jim boy ? ) give me a break ! LOL this is the best flamboyant English I could come up with and now you tell me "choppy and overcumulated" ? (running for dictionary) LOL Please tell me which lines give you this feeling. I did try to "overdo" it a little, as (imho) we tend to overdo it when we can't have what we really want. Could it be Jim, just maybe, these sonnets were written about the time they did not yet have an affair, but only shared a stolen kiss, a secret touch ? (Hehehe)Brad, the only thing I fear about you is your vocabulary. LOL Please don't make me run for my dictionary more than twice. LOL Who's afraid of the big B(r)ad Wolf ? |
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