Lifelight - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Lifelight

Malcolm Coleman
Junior Member

since 2000-04-02

Posts 24
United Kingdom

0 posted 2000-04-21 12:57 PM

This poem was inspired partly by the opening lines of Aerosmith's "Deuces are wild"..

"Ohh, I love to look into your big brown eyes,
they talk to me and seem to hypnotise,
they say the things nobody dares to say,
and I'm not about to let you fly away."

...and mainly by a girl I know.

Anyway, here it is...

           You hypnotise me
           with your brown eyes, see
           their lifelight draws me,
           I cannot break free.

           So here is my plea,
           I wish I could be
           your one and only,
           but do you want me?

Malcolm

** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris

Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake.

tom
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 90
s/w penna u.s.a.

1 posted 2000-04-21 02:28 PM

Malcolm
I find when I write with the radio on or a song in my head I have a tendency to force thi issue to make it fit.

The first stanza,if I may

you hypnotise
with your brown eyes
their lifelight draws me
I cannot break free

see what I mean?
You have a good idea and obviously an eye on this person use your own heartbeat not somebodies drumriff to set the tempo

I dreamed I was a dreamer in a dream

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.