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Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

0 posted 2000-04-19 02:06 AM


Congratulations to Bob for the following poem. This one drew me in on the first read like few other poems have. Personally, I think its strength lies in its straightforward approach with just a hint symbolism here and there. You can see the damn thing. Interestingly, some people have posted discepancies in the use of slang but I don't think that's a problem here. I think the voice is intended to be someone on the outside looking in; it's a mocking voice that brings the final unity of feeling all the more powerful.  

For those of you who've been following this series, we're going to keep going with it but it won't be every week. Only when we find something truly exceptional will we be showcasing that work.

AN MTV AFFAIR

A gala affair.
Wil Smith, music, limosines.
Everybody gettin' jiggy wid it
Until
Out of nowhere
Two mothers appeared
together.
The MTV crowd stopped and stared.

One, mother of Tupak Shakur,
(who'd been gunned down in a drive-by
in Vegas
and had died in a neon-lit glare
Sept. 7, 1996.)

The other, the mother of Christopher Wallace,
AKA, Biggy Smalls and
The Notorious B.I.G
(who'd died in L.A. on March 9, 1997,
in a rap song rhythm of bullets.)

Two mothers, holding hands
East coast, west coast
begging people to solve their anger
other than killing
or things will just continue.

Over ten million toilets flushed
in TV land
Young people everywhere grinned
Peace out y'all fingers
went the audience.

It was a gala affair.
And no one seemed to care.


© Copyright 2000 Brad - All Rights Reserved
tom
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90
s/w penna u.s.a.
1 posted 2000-04-19 12:06 PM


Brad
Excellent choice,I liked this one myself.Maney good poems have been writen here,in this forum,and I'm glad to see this one back.

bboog
Congrats.!


 i spend half my life chasing her around,the other half waiting for her



bboog
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303
Valencia, California
2 posted 2000-04-19 08:34 PM


To Brad:
   Thank you for selecting this poem. As Tom said, there are many good poems here. And thank you to Jim, Pete, Tom, Kris, Ted Reynolds, Brad and others who take their time to read these poems and comment on them. Whether you like a poem or hate it, the feedback is always important.
   Now, I'm off to a Cub Scout function! Thanks again.
best regards
bboog

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
3 posted 2000-04-24 04:31 AM


Yes thanks Brad for raising this on the podium of your approval ... ha ha .. you like?

Seriously though, knowing a little about your taste and a bit about your own writing i can see why you like this piece.  Maybe a few months ago i would’ve disliked it on principle coz its not about birds and mountains and love and (horror) it has no discernable rhyme or structure (well maybe just a little!).

I guess after 6 months of exposure to CA and a lot more reading I see some excellence in this especially the first three stanzas.  I agree with you about the way they grab the reader’s attention.  Even a world away from the scene, in a small English village, i can see and hear the crowd.  Specially liked the line:

“in a rap song rhythm of bullets”..... which seemed to have ghastly rhythm of its own and nicely finished the three opening stanzas.

What I like best about the poem i suppose is the way in which those first three stanzas are so restricted in scope, zooming in closely on the lives and deaths of individuals.  Giving us a close up flavour of what its like to be there through the lives of those who are there.  The frequent use of names, nicknames and colloquial language together with very specific dates almost like a local news item seems to combine to achieve this effect.

Then suddenly in the fourth stanza the camera pulls back sharply to look at the wider picture.  The language reflect this zooming out process:

“East coast, west coast”..... “Over ten million toilets flushed” .. instantly widen the scene from the small local gala, and then the poet goes on to address issues of a more universal nature to end with the ironic final rhyming couplet.  Somehow the perfect rhyme seemed to add to the irony.

Thanks for highlighting this Brad, and to Bob.... very well done indeed!

Philip

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
4 posted 2000-04-24 05:05 PM


Oh btw just one other thing .. there was IMHO just one rather weak part and that was at the end of the fourth stanza:

"or things will just continue"

just seemed a little vague ..

just an op. etc

P

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