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Thin Air
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Thin Air |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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my reality dances down sidewalks, jumps up escalator steps, catches fireflies in mason jars, energized axons feeding one another, drinking in sensory info, sparking perceptions, linking clues, puzzle pieces, when integrated, becomes what I see, what is me. you cannot see what I see, your dopamine, noradrenalin, acetylcholine, serotonin all scream your reality, much too harshly. you expect me to see the same, but no, I do not, will never, you look at me disapprovingly, attempting to shove your gray-walled, cubicled reality down my throat until I choke and gasp, till air is so thin, the lack of oxygen induces panic, and I run, from your reality... and from you. Kristine < !signature--> the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 04-18-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
warmhrt Your poem takes on a childlike character,with good images,fond childhood memories,then without a pharmaceutical reference book I got lost,sorry. Is this reality still somehow work related? Sorry I can't be more helpful. tom i spend half my life chasing her around,the other half waiting for her |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
I'm seeing this as a poem sort of linking science and the natural instinct to stay a child. The person in the 'cubicled reality' has gone against this natural instinct and does not question his/her body, does not care what makes him/her the way they are. The worst part of it is that they've asked you to go along into that unquestioning reality. They've even gone so far as to look down on you for not being like them. Well screw that. Write on, poet. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wordshaman There is no Devil. Just God when He drinks. --Tom Waits |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Tom and Words, Thanks, guys, for reading and commenting. Words, you were pretty close to my feelings when I wrote it, but you're always entitled to your own interpretations. Mainly, I was trying to say that I will not compromise my principles, ideas, convictions etc. just to suit someone or something else...and will never kiss up to anyone for personal gain. Tom, the chemicals mentioned are essential neurotransmitters in our brains that affect our perceptions. Every brain is different, so we all have our own "reality", so to speak. Environmental factors from the past and present play into the mix. I hope that helped. Thanks again, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
I really liked this for a couple of reasons. Most importantly, you've touched on the tragic truth that some times we just *can't* understand each other. i'm often frustrated that I 'can't get through' to loved ones, but often it's literally impossible (not recommending anyone stop trying, mind you). I also though the technical terms actaully helped make this point. I suspect most people have heard of all these chemicals before, but may not immediately remember what they are/do. That combination of the familiar, yet unreachable can be a powerful metaphor for the right reader. The firefly image serves a similar function - most of us can relate to it, but it's clearly a personal, private image as well. It tells me there are some things we can understand about each other, but others we'll just have to respect without insight. -Jimtoo |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jimtoo, Nice to see you, and that "Wonderland" victory was so sweet. Getting to the reply ... I thank you for reading, and offering your insight.  I may be writing about something I don't "see" clearly, who knows. It's all open to individual interpretation. Thank you also for your kind words, and don't be a stranger. Writing is good for your health, both physical and mental.Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kris, I like the first stanza much more than the others. (I have read the other comments to get some insight as some of your profession related writings are complex for us outsiders.) The first stanza really does present a sort of child-like vision. It is sweet and innocent. It is also very well worded (but you always do that). In short, it sets a mood of pleasant memories or something. The second stanza, with all its technical terms jsut doesn't read as poetically as the first. I see why it is there and what it intends to portray but I just think I would prefer it with some generic term in place of the medical jargon JMHO of course. The third stanza becomes more poetic again and likeable for that. It, however, gives off an essence of anger, not in keeping with the mood set in the beginning. Again, I see your point and understand your intent (I think). I don't mean that I dislike this part, just don't like it as well as the beginning. Also, it is surely true that each of us has his or her own reality, or version of reality. So, if I understand what I have just said (a question in its own right) then I guess your poem was successful.  Thanks for sharing your passions. Sweet Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 04-17-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, Again, I will explain the motivation, and I think you will see how this was written. Remember the job situation? Well, I was advised that I should have gone to Ms. HR, and said something like, "I'm sorry. I must have misunderstood you blah, blah, blah" in a sweet, yet professional voice. In other words, kissed up. I don't do that...the woman lied to me, was totally unprofessional... Needless to say, the person advising me and I got into a heated discussion, and that's where this came from. I agree that perhaps I could try to work some of the brain chemicals out, and say the same thing in a different manner. This was one of those "cleansing" writings that took ten minutes or less. Thank you for your comments, Pete, you've always been so helpful. Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kris: A cleansing poem ... hmmm ... a poetic enema? I know we all need those once and a while but I suspect that few can experience a poetic enema and have it come out smelling as sweet as this poem ... lol ... perhaps I need to work on the anal-ogy a bit. Sorry, Kris, I'm in one of those moods and I'm finding it difficult to control my dry wit. Seriously (if possible), I liked this. I loved your first and last stanzas ("cannot" is one word, I think). I recognize most of the chemicals you mentioned as being either neurotransmitters (sp?) or vasoconstrictors (serotonin is mispelled in your poem, I think) but because I don't really know what these chemicals do I was a little lost. But even so, I think I get the point of the second stanza ... could it have something to do with all of those chemicals having a part in autonomic bodily functions? I would think that this would contrast nicely with your determination to remain a free spirit. Well, I've been off in my interpretations lately but I'm hoping that I got the gist of this poem. Thanks. Jim-one [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 04-17-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jimteach, Word associations: I say: cleansing You answer: enema Is there anything wrong with this picture, or is it just me? Maybe someone's a bit anal retentive? Need to loosen up a bit, teach. You were right (as usual) about cannot and serotonin. My proofreading skills are crap lately. The chemicals are all neurotransmitters. I should change that stanza, I know, but I thought with half the population on one drug or another, people might know these. This is the Prozac nation, after all. For those who don't know, neurotransmitters are chemicals present in the brain (and sometimes other parts of the body) that transmit messages from one neuron (cell) to another, and if too little or too much of these chemicals are present, they can affect many things, including changing the way our brain processes sensory information. Dopamine plays a role in regulating movement and cognition. Noradrenalin (in the brain) stimulates and regulates stress reactions, arousal, anxiety, and plays a part in memory. Acetylcholine is one of the key neurtransmitters...the first one discovered ...many functions Seratonin regulates sleep, mood, appetite, and emotions. So my point in using these was to show that these chemicals, which play a part in regulating our perceptions (and other things), are different in everyone, and were apparently different in the two of people depicted in the poem. Of course, other factors are also involved. Okay...that said, I will thank you, Teach for reading, for your comments (even if they did speak of enemas). I would suggest a few Mai-Tais sp? A lot more fun. And I know you got the gist of the poem...who are you trying to kid, you know about everything! Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, well, well children, let's not digress or plunge into a potty-mouth argument here.   Ok Kris, now that you explain for slooow old me, I see why I found anger in the last stanza. Pretty perceptive of me, wasn't it, considering that I didn't know from whence it came, nor whither it led. With that understanding, I confess that I like it better now. Actually I liked it fine yesterday. I just thought the mood was not in keeping with the first stanza. But even with all that said, and having the knowledge of what the chemicals are, the second stanza still leaves me a little flat. Actually, I had a pretty good idea of the purpose all along even though I didn't know precisely what. BTW, other chemicals, such as gin, scotch and tequila can be pretty effective too and somewhat more pleasant to take Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
See what I mean about the psycho-analysis, Pete? Word association ... humph!!! A bunch of psycho-babble! Not into the Mai Tais, btw. Snakebites are a good, manly drink ... and beer, of course. "Maybe someone's a bit anal retentive?" Was that in insult or a compliment? Oh ... btw ... we prefer to call it "analytical/contemplative". Anal retentive is such a mean-spirited label, Kris! You surprise me with you insensitivity!  [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 04-18-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, I'm sorry if you got the impression that I thought you didn't get it. You are not "slooow", and I would never intentionally say that to anyone. I meant that I, again, was writing too obscurely and too technically. I will have to realize what is my everyday language (due to my background) may not be everyones'. It's me, not you, Pete. JB, I certainly hope you know me well enough to realize when I'm J/K. It just fit into the theme of your reply so well, I couldn't resist. I dislike Freud, anyway, and don't agree with most of his theories. I had never had a Mai Tai till I went to Maui...it's the national drink...they give you one everywhere you go ... and then you go. (sorry)Recommended reading for anyone four and up: (read it with a child...they laugh so hard, that soon you're both guffawing, tears rolling, heck of an experience!) "The Gas We Pass - The Story of Farts" Through cartoons, it actually explains the process of food being digested (diagrams)in correct, simple language with a touch of humor thrown in. Kids(of any age) can't resist it. Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sweet Kris, You simply must stop apologizing for offending me. Honestly, I believe the only way you might offend me would be to say you don't like me any more  But, ". . . The Story of Farts" my goodness, how we have sunk, but maybe I should pass that (no pun intended) along to my wife.  Pete |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
Might I add "Everybody Poops" to the list? Great, and infomative, kids book. Everything you ever wanted to know, etc. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jimtoo, Thanks for your suggestion for the "potty" library. We may get a bit childish sometimes, but we have fun. Good stress reliever...one of the best, I think. You should go back a bit and check out "Just Wondering" by warmhrt, and "An Answer to Just Wondering by Warmhrt" by jbouder (Jim#1). These guys can be a heck of a lot of fun. We also yuck it up a bit in Poetry Workshop. Nice to see you...any poetry forthcoming? Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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