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Dusty Eyes
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Dusty Eyes |
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sKiTtLeS Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 113wisconsin, u.s.a. |
Staring into deep pools of magnetic thunder, these are your eyes. Being the supposed "windows to the soul", I try to crawl through. But your windows are shuttered. Broken panes of glass, dusty with tears. Someone drew pictures, pushing the dust away, enough for me to peek through... "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -the words of a friend |
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
sKiTtLeS A very emotional poem,with a different perspective.A powerful opening line. My opinion would be to omit "these" in the next line,change "shuttered" to closed in 4th line,"broken" to tainted(who would crawl thru,draw pitcures on broken glass)in the 5th line.Also a description of the pitcures would bring a little more depth to the ending.Just my opinion.Good read. tom i spend half my life chasing her around,the other half waiting for her |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi! i would keep shuttered, i like the image as opposed to just closed. my though is that you say the windows are dusty with tears. except, tears being water, it doesnt seem right for them to be dusty. you might try something that is more in keeping with what tears are and what they do. for instance, warped or clouded with tears. but hey, your poem is nice the way it is. did i forget to say that first? stupid me. |
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PrincessPoet Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 133Long Beach, Calif. |
Hi Skittles! I agree with Tom, strong opening line. Nice Tempo, Heartfelt Kinda of goes with the day "It's Raining Here" Aay Okay (Smile) Poetry & Frienship, From: PrincessPoet |
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