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Photosynthesis
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Photosynthesis |
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Trisha New Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 1 |
PHOTOSYNTHESIS Sunshine is the keeper of the flower. No matter the promise, without it, a flower wilts, fades, dies. Yet all it begs is but an intermittent ray - and then waxes content 'til the next. But when denied even that, begins its death dance, languishing, tremorous, for hours, minutes, seconds. And then the end. Like a stanchion battered by callous tides, its foundation eroding - And rescued not, has nothing but to sink into the lonely sea, vanquished; and then crumbles, bit by bit, and washes away, leaving behind no trace of ever having been. A voice calls out with gladness, with joy, with hope. Yet all ever heard in response is its hollow echo. Until the voice has nothing but to call out with sadness, pain, despair, for seconds, for minutes, for hours. And then calls out no more. Who can know the hour, the minute, the second that passion begins to fade, love loses its lustre, caring starts its ebb toward indifference? Like the flower, a soul requires the sunshine of another to thrive, to flourish, to survive. But denied an intermittent ray, has nothing but to shrivel in a darkened sea of loneliness, where it deteriorates, bit by bit, and is washed away, leaving behind no trace of ever having been. Here lies love, strangled by the icy grip of indifference. [This message has been edited by Trisha (edited 04-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Trisha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Trisha, Welcome to Passions and the CA. Got to run right now so can't say much about your poem. I'm really pretty weak at free verse anyway so probably no real loss to you. I will say though that the blank lines are distracting. It looks like your word processor might have done that to you. I know sometimes when I try to cut and paste from Word I get this. The simple remedy is to cut from the WP and paste into Notepad, then cut again from there and paste into the forum. If that was the problem, you can still fix this one by using the edit function and just removing the newline characters. To get to edit, look above your post and you will see some icons. Hold the pointer over one of them for a second and a hint will appear. Click on the one which says edit and there you are. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Trisha, Sniffle...sniffle...this is very well done. The right words for the emotions expressed, and the imagery and metaphors were good. I particularly liked: "Who can know the hour, the minute, the second that passion begins to fade, love loses its lustre, caring starts its ebb toward indifference?" You said it so well, and the last lines...great. BTW...Welcome to CA! Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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