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Magical Words
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Magical Words |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
Magical Words Bitterness and betrayal are magical words That roll off the tongue so easily They feed off each other as if they were people And bring society together One may wrestle with his fears Or try to answer questions of life But to look to deep is to sacrifice Your pride and justification Just look to the magical words of answers They must be right, since we have used them for so long Seclusion from the world Is a common side effect of this method But a price so small as that Must be to good to be true Sure if you decide to seclude you may miss the moon at night Or the sun shining bright But isn’t it enough to be alive When you know all the answers to life Grief is also a by-product Of the worlds magical words But isn’t it great when you become the grand magician And all of your subjects are beneath you Ready for a command Just raise your hand and they will cheer And vote you in another year You’ve brainwashed their minds To believe you’re right And you’ve taught them the magic too One is not born with this gift Children do not know That the world they face Is heading to a new phase One where we expand the definition Of our precious magic terms We now include things like violence and hate But don’t look so surprised You seem to forget That is how societies are raised |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Len: This reads much like an editorial or a short essay. This, in itself, is not a bad thing. A good editorial needs a strong focus and a well thought out development of the defense of its thesis. It seems to me that the statement you are attempting to assert is: "Bitterness and betrayal are magical words That roll off the tongue so easily They feed off each other as if they were people And bring society together" I don't have any problems with the first three lines. I found the content of the fourth line to be surprising and I was interested in finding out how you were going to develop these thoughts. "But to look to deep is to sacrifice Your pride and justification" This is where I think your reasoning gets a little bit sticky and where I think you need to develop your thoughts a little more. There is a typo with the second "to", by the way (should be "too"). What exactly do you mean by looking "too deep"? Too deep into what? How is pride sacrificed? Is pride sacrificed by looking into something with some measure of comprehensiveness and discovering that you have believed something to be true that was not true? How is justification sacrificed? Are considering ignorance to be an excuse (in other words, "justification") for certain behavior? I think you need to be more specific in these lines because I think the validity of these statements are important to the rest of the piece. "Seclusion from the world Is a common side effect of this method" I looked pretty hard for the "method" you are referring to but I couldn't put my finger on it. I suspect it has something to do with the "looking too deep" thing you mentioned in the previous stanza. "But a price so small as that Must be to good to be true ... But isn’t it enough to be alive When you know all the answers to life" I would suggest that you try to avoid generalities. Give the reader some specifics on which to latch. I think because of the generalities of your statements I am having difficulty figuring out when (and if) you are being serious or sarcastic. The line, "When you know all the answers of life" is so overstated that I am inclined to lean towards the sarcastic interpretation. "Grief is also a by-product Of the worlds magical words But isn’t it great when you become the grand magician And all of your subjects are beneath you Ready for a command ..." Again, the generalities here make it difficult for me to determine whether you are talking about a politician, a manipulative religious leader, or a high school student body president. Give me some meat to chew on. "One is not born with this gift" With what gift? The gift to manipulate others? Do you have children? Isn't the infant crying to get what he/she wants manipulation at some early stage of development? Is this learned or inborn? You may be right but I am just trying to illustrate the importance of defending blanket statements and developing your thoughts. That is the great challenge, I think, with philosophical poetry. It is so dang-nabbed detail laden.  "Children do not know That the world they face Is heading to a new phase One where we expand the definition Of our precious magic terms We now include things like violence and hate But don’t look so surprised You seem to forget That is how societies are raised" I think it would be a good idea to pick one idea and develop it. The inclusion of other words into the repertoire of magic buzz-words tossed about by the manipulators could be another poem all together. Perhaps you could incorporate the idea of additional words into the magic list by more effectively illustrating the progression into mind-numbedness. You have good ideas here waiting for development. Thanks for posting. Jim |
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