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I held you down
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I held you down |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
I was the security officer who held you down. I worked in the psychiatric emergency room. The modern version of the 'men in white coats' I held you down while you spat on me and scratched me and bled on me. I held you down while the nurse slammed the hypodermic needle into your thigh. "Vitamin H" I held you down while you cried. I held you down while your fiance and your mother and your sister cried and tried to answer questions. I held you down when no one showed up at all. I held you down while the nurse and doctor talked about you like you weren't even in the room. I held you down when you screamed Are you getting a thrill out of this, bastard? I wasn't. But I knew John was. The restraints held you down while we threw our latex gloves away and washed our hands and talked about sports. You were still struggling against the leather, while we laughed about what a fight you put up. John called you f***ing psycho and Sue laughed and retold a story about one of the nuts that was even crazier. I didn't stop them. I laughed. I'm sorry. I thought it was okay because I didn't make any jokes. I thought it was okay because I knew why they joked. I thought it was because they were all like me - scared. Not scared for our safety - we had the numbers, the restraints, the Vitamin H on our side. Scared because we recognized part of ourselves in you. When you looked up at me through tears, I saw my own reflection. I saw pain and fear. It looked familiar. In the supsedly senseless things you were ranting, I heard some of my own thoughts. I held you down, and I looked away. And later, I laughed. Yes, I held you down while I snaped the locks and checked your circulation. But mostly, I held you down when I laughed. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Gonzalo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Gonz, This brought tears to my eyes...a powerful piece of writing, demonstrating the reality and reason for the fear and the want of ignorance. This also shows that a person can come to the realization of his/her prejudice, and begin to understand it...hopefully changing. Very good work. Kristine P.S. Sorry, but I'm a stickler for this, even though I screw up myself on occasion... supposedly and snapped are misspelled. To those on the forum who don't know what "Vitamin H" is...it's Haldol, a powerful antipsychotic, that in high enough doses can almost paralyze, or when one does move, it is often very slowly. the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Strong poem. Agree with Kris that you need to clean up the spelling (we all do this of course). I don't know if you intended this but this poem distinctly echoes Ginsberg's 'Howl' in structure -- Ginsberg is on record as saying that he intended that poem to imitate the howling of an insane man. This adds an interesting layer to this piece. Who are the insane? Brad |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
Thanks again for the feedback. I haven't read "Howl" but I've just printed it and will read it tonight. Yes, that's very interesting and ironic. It's a very fine line between the "sane" and "insane." Please excuse the profanity in this poem, but the second incidence was used to highlight the ugliness of the remark. |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Gonz~ As others have already said, this is a strong piece. Only suggestion I can offer is to give it a little room. Some open space. Example: I wasn't. But I knew John was. The restraints held you down while we threw our latex gloves away and washed our hands and talked about sports Other than that, good job! best regards, bboog [This message has been edited by bboog (edited 04-09-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Gonzolo: I agree with the others that this is strong work. Thanks, Kris, btw, for the Vitamin H definition. Now I'm off to look up Ginsberg's "Howl". Thanks for the refreshingly interesting and moving read. Jim |
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kynder Senior Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 537Tallahassee, Florida |
i would imagine it took a lot to write this. i commend you for being able to look at yourself in not such kind light. just curious if you share your writings with those you share sports? |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
Thank you all for your feedback. Kynder- I wrote this poem recently, but it was based on a job I had a few years ago. I've lost touch with most of them, but I think I should share this with them. Not one of my strong suits, though - hence the pen name, web postings, etc. |
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