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Critical Analysis #1
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Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97


0 posted 2000-04-05 11:50 AM


Survivors
through painted pictures i see
apple cheeks pained to ashen
eyes larger than a nightmare
lost in silent isolation weeping
through a childhood
denied of its innocence

streams of light gather dust
head rests the window pane
tip toe on a crate envisioned
crying morning into daylight

through your looking glass
mountains climb your
journey
dark corridors spiral freedom
days of sooted haze colour life
with paths of grey distortions

first miracle of hope decends like
a snowfall of rarest petals wrung from
crystal teardrops granted fantasies from wishes
life becomes sanctified glorified by a
purity in spotless white baptized
in hope of resurrection

unwelcome light melts the mystic
and dawn stones the heart alone again
too soon to hear the bell
deaths toll retorts with its repeat
claims another frozen victim

aching heart for departed
weeps now an open wound
carved deep beneath your flesh
chest to heart to soul washed in shades of dying
those denied and violated now chained forever to the living
their songs unsung refrains of emptiness
fear
farewell
escape
denied
trapped forever in the tombs of mirages.

one lived
miracle of survivals curse
childhood washed in water colours
memories now faded to aching tolerable
just dont open up the picture book
pages spilling flowers pressed in love
to your heart supplying anguished beats
for black blood became a  poets heart
now painting coloured dreams with images
growing wild along the runner's path of miles of isolation

one kept alive to spark the speaking
of the memories buried deep within
closed eyes bring sleepless nights
filled with silent screams of the dreaming
soul acid etched in pain remains
refuged behind the looking glass
through dusty windows always yearning
searching hills for deliverance
sanctuary of youthful soul denied
walks now forever a cast reflection of the images



[This message has been edited by Diana B (edited 04-05-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Diana B - All Rights Reserved
tom
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90
s/w penna u.s.a.
1 posted 2000-04-05 06:45 PM


Diana B
The first stanza sent me in one direction,through your prospective. Then it kind of floats around,each stanza gives a different impression or image to me.I liked each stanza independently,but as a whole it seemed vague.Granted I'm not an expert,this is just my opinion.Maybe I'm missing the point.

tom

Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

2 posted 2000-04-05 09:00 PM


Yes tom, you make a very valid point about the vagueness. I guess in all honesty that is the way I wrote it.  The piece deals with some very personal issues in the childhoods of two people. I guess I hid the details too well and made it way too vague hoping that the tone would carry the mood and meaning
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