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Critical Analysis #1
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captaincargo
Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109
Corning, N.Y. U.S.A.

0 posted 2000-04-01 08:05 PM


Oh evil day if I were sullen
One shade the more, one ray the less
I spend it mellow and softened
as with sunset glow
a song that has been sung.

And the story that has been told
My growing unto you
O fond, O fool, O drunken view
Unto thine, mark me, and thy innocence
with beauty fraught
came late

Though every diamond, hand
or in her breast
how sweet to love
or pains of love be sweeter far

Say not a womans love is bought
or hearts lost, and paid with tears again
A coward from loves flight
She has laughed
as softly as if she's sighed

And I glance lightly
A measure that mocks me
in a space
what matter if I go lame
love hath it's treasure
I will sing, sigh for love is done.

Cap.

Or richer joys than clay can feel?

                     "Clay"

                   Edward Verrall Lucas


< !signature-->

 Cap. Carg.



[This message has been edited by captaincargo (edited 04-02-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 captaincargo - All Rights Reserved
Malcolm Coleman
Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24
United Kingdom
1 posted 2000-04-02 03:49 PM


Well...Although I didn't understand everything in your poem, the overall impression was one of depression.

*******************************
Though every diamond, hand
or in her breast
how sweet to love
or pains of love be sweeter far
*******************************

This was the most confusing part of the poem, although that may just be me!!

In short, In my opinion, you have good word usage, but you tend to go overboard trying to sound "profound".  This may not be true, but it is how I see it.

no offence meant

Malcolm Coleman

 ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris

Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake.

Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

2 posted 2000-04-02 04:20 PM


i am captivated by the delicate and emotional phrases in this piece
they keep drawing me back to reread it
i am having trouble understanding the work completely as malcolm mentioned and do hope that you might be willing to help me out
i really want to know so i can read it with a fuller understanding and capture the fulll essence of the work.
"Say not a womans love is bought
or hearts lost, and paid with tears again
A coward from loves flight
She has laughed
as softly as if she's sighed"
this is the part that confuses me the most
not sure which way to turn this one

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