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Chico
Member

since 2000-02-10

Posts 67

0 posted 2000-03-26 12:17 PM

What is Love?

  I've heard people say;
That love is kind.
  And some people say;
That love is blind
  But I just can't;
make up my mind...

  The truth is hidden;
and is so hard to find.
  But I think Love is diffrent;
for all mankind...
  For some people;
Love is unkind.
  but for others
It leaves them unconfined.
  so as you can see;
Love will always be undefined;
  And each and every person;
Has to make up their mind...

              -Chico

Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

1 posted 2000-03-26 12:58 PM

Hey Chico

che passa. I think that you have some good ideas in the poem. the only thing is that it sounds like a cliche. A lot of the things you say have been said . I think that if you say what your saying in a diffrent way then it would have more gusto.

See Ya

Please remember that this is only my opinion and really means nothing in the end. Keep writing thanks

Pinky1011
New Member

since 2000-03-26

Posts 3
Toledo, Ohio

2 posted 2000-03-27 04:39 PM

This is a very nicely formed poem, and I don't see anything really wrong with it, but I have a problem when writing poetry about love, and perhaps you have found it too.

This problem is finding new outlooks and new insight. Poetry about love is a major topic, so something different is needed to express your words.

Overall, very well done, but perhaps a good metaphor might help.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

3 posted 2000-03-27 04:44 PM

Chico:

Welcome to Passions and to Critical Analysis. I more or less agree with Tony's suggestion. You may want to consider dropping the rhyme and using some less common words to describe what you are trying to say here and I also think you could edit out all of the semi-colons.

I like the thoughts you are expressing here but I think a little bit of attention could make your sentiments more memorable to me. Try to think of less common ways to express the ideas you are trying to get across and, unless you really want to, don't be concerned so much with rhyming as much as you should be concerned about expressing your ideas. Just my opinion.

Jim

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