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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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SuZi New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 8Louisville, KY |
close your eyes and think of me close your ears and hear my heart close your hand and hold me near close your heart ... I disappear [This message has been edited by SuZi (edited 03-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 SuZi - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hey Sue A lovely little piece. What really makes the whole thing work is the last line. I think this is really good. Thanks for posting. |
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Sparks Junior Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 11Sandy Lake, Pa |
very good work. I liked it, simple, but really to the point, what could be better? |
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heng New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 5 |
short,simple and true....i like the way you don't go rambling on(as my poems tend to do)  ") |
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
This is absolutely darling! I really do like this. I wish I had some critique for you, but sometimes there just isn't any. It's a keeper in every way. Cap. ... Something beautiful is vanished, And we sigh for it in vain: We behold it everywhere, On the earth, and in the air, But it never comes again. "The Flight of Youth" Richard Henry Stoddard < !signature--> Cap. Carg. [This message has been edited by captaincargo (edited 03-26-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi SuZi, and welcome to CA, This was a wonderful little piece of work that said so much with so few words. Great work! I have but one little suggestion to take or leave as you wish...I think the entire poem would read more smoothly without the final "and". "close your eyes and think of me close your ears and hear my heart close your hand and hold me near close your heart ~ I disappear" JMHO Personally, I think it sounds much better that way, but it is your poem. I really liked it, SuZi, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hi Suzi - good work...very short and sweet. Welcome to Passions... I actually find myself agreeing with Kris here. The last line reads great without an and. What do you think? K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Suzi, Good to have you at the CA. I guess I'm late here and everything has already been said. I have to agree with them all. It was complete, concise and delightful. Also, I agree with Kris on the "and" in the last line. It flows better without it. Thanks. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Suzi: Can't say I have much to add aside from welcome to Passions and Critical Analysis. Kris (warmhrt) is absolutely right regarding the "and" in the final line. The only things I would like to see are more details of the people involved here. I understand that your are probably going for broad applicability but, unfortunately, the overly broad has a nasty tendency of being the first to leave the memory. Just my opinion, however. Again, thanks for posting and welcome to CA. |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Just an echo here. Beautiful little gem, though warmhrt's right about the final "and." Don't change another thing. |
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SuZi New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 8Louisville, KY |
Thank all of you for your kind words. Please note the revision. Kris is so right about the last "and", the feel and essence is perserved and it flows much better. Thanks again, SuZi |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
S~ Welcome to this little corner. Like everyone else, I liked this one but think you should give it a title. How about "Heart-less"? (grins) best regards, bboog |
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Lady Web Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 96Houston, Texas |
Way to go, nice little poem that makes a big statement |
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