navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » another brave attempt at limerick:)
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic another brave attempt at limerick:) Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2000-03-25 01:54 AM


Bob the butcher performs his feat under heat
Beats steadily and cuts red meat
All aunts gape and see
Don't know he has gone to the sea
Mixing meat with peat on a seat!


© Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
1 posted 2000-03-25 04:07 PM


"Bob the butcher performs his feat under heat
Beats steadily and cuts red meat
All aunts gape and see
Don't know he has gone to the sea
Mixing meat with peat on a seat!"

Ok Kaile this is much better .....LOL but still needs a little refinement perhaps.

Your syllable count is irregular in some places and the stressed syllables in some parts make for awkward reading.  You need to try and achieve the "right" limerick rhythm.

More like this:

Bob the butcher performs under heat,
Beats and steadily cuts up red meat,
All aunts gape and see,
Don't know he's at sea,
Mixing meat with some peat on a seat!

If you compare the two and read them both out loud you will see how the rhythm is different and how, in mine, the syllable count is 9,9,5,5,9.

By the way, could you enlighten me as to what exactly it means??  ..lol         

Philip

[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 03-25-2000).]

bboog
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303
Valencia, California
2 posted 2000-03-25 05:24 PM


Kaile~
  If you are trying to say "Mixing his meat with peat on a seat" wouldn't you spell it "Pete" instead of "peat"? (grins)
   Actually, I think you might be better at scrapping the limmerick thing and writing this as a haiku. This whole poem with "beating his meat on a seat" will not win you many friends unless (how shall I say this) they are the type who like to dress up as female impersonators?
bboog

  


[This message has been edited by bboog (edited 03-25-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2000-03-27 10:05 AM


ARRRGGHH!! (grins back at bboog)

Well Kaile, you got closer but the Limerick is the most regidly defined poetic format ever devised for the english language or at least of those still in use today. 1) MUST be anapestic, (ta-ta-DUM) with some flexibility allowed in the first foot of each line. 2) MUST be 5 lines. 3) First, second and last lines MUST have 3 feet. 4) Third and fourth lines must have 2 feet. Here is a classic example. Analyze carefully then note that they all sound very much like this.

   There once was a boy from Nantucket
   Whose . . .

Oops, can't use that one in here   maybe not even in adult. Try this one instead.

   A tutor who tooted the flute
   Tried to tutor two tooters to toot,
      Said the two to the tutor,
      "Is it harder to toot or
   To tutor two tooters to toot?"

I'm not strong at scansion but it scans something like this.


   a TU- | tor who TOO- | ted the FLUTE
   tried to TU- | tor two TOO- | ters to TOOT,
      Said the TWO to the TU- | tor,
      "Is it HAR- | der to TOOT or
   To TU- | tor two TOO- | ters to TOOT?"

Best of luck.
< !signature-->

 Pete

     What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
     sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
     for the mere enunciation of my theme?
          Edgar Allan Poe




[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-27-2000).]

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » another brave attempt at limerick:)

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary