Critical Analysis #1 |
My first time at posting my poetry... A little nervous about people commenting |
Kirsty24 Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40Australia |
The Virgo Woman (my star sign true & true) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Visualised as gentle The virginial maid Pure as the driven snow Your illusions are now to be.. Shattered Much is to be learnt about this tender fragile symbol of womanhood Her spine is made from stainless steel... But basically she is shy She is pure minded - true But so is love Real love And she wants nothing less She'll climb the highest mountains And storm the raging seas to find love with out a flaw!! She is the woman who is deadly practical and divinly romantic all at once She is a perfectionist But this does not mean that she is perfect She is a stickler for promptness Did you ever keep her waiting? Don't!!! Always admit that you are wrong Never argue!!! You can't win with a virgo She may be pure minded But she is never niave She'll often get a mental block When admiting that she is wrong So be smart Just take the blame Most times she will be right Frustrating as it may be To critisize, is natural to her As breathing is to you But don't critisize her She is her own worst critic While she is critical of you She has a quality that is Downright irresistable To her, Beauty is truth - And truth is beauty She'll giver herself caustiously only with one she trusts and always remember little things mean a lot [This message has been edited by Kirsty24 (edited 03-26-2000).] |
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© Copyright 2000 Kirsty O'Hara - All Rights Reserved | |||
Caroline7 New Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 8Florida, USA |
Hi, and thanks for commenting on my post, since I am new at this myself I will not offer you any criticism. Your poem sounded like a very good discription of how you see yourself and that others don't realize that things and people are not always what they seem to be on the outside. Nice post .... Caroline7 |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
welcome to Passions....don't be shy about pple commenting on ur work,take it as a sign that pple are INTERESTED in ur poetry,right? ") incidentally,i am a Virgoan too ") i like ur opening...esp the comparsion of a virogan to pure white driven snow i like ur idea...hmmm...never know that virgoans are romantic... but beware of ur typo errors...after all,u want others to have the best impression of ur work,right? ") |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Welcome to the family. Don't be nervous.. check your email for a special welcome.. |
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
Kristy24 First off, I liked your poem,freestyle is my style, say it how you feel it. I'll let the masters get into the tech stuff,it just seemed alittle disorganised for me. Maybe clean up the edges, play with the form a bit. Keep up the good work! tom all day-every day |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hi Kirsty - I have to say - you're really brave to put your first post here, in Critical! Welcome to Passions. Well, there are quite a few lines I really like in here. Your opening is lovely. And 'Her spine is made from stainless steel...' provides a unique image. I do like the theme of your poem...and I can identify for I am Piscean and absolutely true to my sign! I have one small suggestion right now - just fix up your small typos and then it will read a little bit better for your readers. K 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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Kirsty24 Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40Australia |
Caroline7 - Thanks for the comment, it was a nice welcome in. Kaile - Thanks for the welcome in.. I never even looked at my typos before I had posted the poem and it was too late when I had done it. PoetDeVine- Thanks for the special welcome, I forwarded it on to a few of my online friends and they were quite surprised to see my work online, not as surprised as me putting it on in the fisrt place Tom - Thanks!!.. I like to write in freestyle as well, sometimes it becomes a little disorganised as you mentioned Severn - I think that I put my first in critical because I did not want people to just say that it was nice and leave it at that. Even though I do not like being critisized too much I think that this time I will give it a try and see how I handle it Thanks again all [This message has been edited by Kirsty24 (edited 03-26-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kristy, Let me add my "Welcome to Passions." Don't be intimidated by the rumors you might have heard about the folks in here. Nearly all of us are just here to learn, improve our writing skills and have a little fun in the process. I would like to echo Kaile's suggestion to proofread. I didn't see this one before you edited (I assume to correct some typos) but I think you still have one left. "She'll giver herself caustiously" Not too bad but should be fixed to give a better impression. I quote your answer to Severn here: "Severn - I think that I put my first in critical because I did not want people to just say that it was nice and leave it at that. Even though I do not like being critisized too much I think that this time I will give it a try and see how I handle it " I would say that you won't be criticized in here. Instead your writing will be critiqued. An altogether different thing. So keep 'em coming and have fun with the rest of us. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Collins Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 57 |
i'm no critic, but i know what i like. i love you poem. (Maybe clean up aound the edges, but still a great poem!!) |
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