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Kirsty24
Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40
Australia

0 posted 2000-03-24 06:40 PM


The Virgo Woman
(my star sign true & true)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Visualised as gentle
The virginial maid
Pure as the driven snow
Your illusions are now to be..
Shattered
Much is to be learnt about this tender
fragile symbol of womanhood
Her spine is made from
stainless steel...
But basically she is shy
She is pure minded - true
But so is love
Real love
And she wants nothing less
She'll climb the highest mountains
And storm the raging seas
to find love with out a flaw!!
She is the woman who is deadly practical and
divinly romantic all at once
She is a perfectionist
But this does not mean that she is perfect
She is a stickler for promptness
Did you ever keep her waiting?
Don't!!!
Always admit that you are wrong
Never argue!!!
You can't win with a virgo
She may be pure minded
But she is never niave
She'll often get a mental block
When admiting that she is wrong
So be smart
Just take the blame
Most times she will be right
Frustrating as it may be
To critisize, is natural to her
As breathing is to you
But don't critisize her
She is her own worst critic
While she is critical of you
She has a quality that is
Downright irresistable
To her,
Beauty is truth -
And truth is beauty
She'll giver herself caustiously
only with one she trusts
and always remember
little things mean a lot



[This message has been edited by Kirsty24 (edited 03-26-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Kirsty O'Hara - All Rights Reserved
Caroline7
New Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 8
Florida, USA
1 posted 2000-03-24 10:33 PM


Hi, and thanks for commenting on my post, since I am new at this myself I will not offer you any criticism. Your poem sounded like a very good discription of how you see yourself and that others don't realize that things and people are not always what they seem to be on the outside. Nice post  ....  Caroline7  
kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
2 posted 2000-03-25 01:31 AM


welcome to Passions....don't be shy about pple commenting on ur work,take it as a sign that pple are INTERESTED in ur poetry,right? ")

incidentally,i am a Virgoan too ")
i like ur opening...esp the comparsion of a virogan to pure white driven snow

i like ur idea...hmmm...never know that virgoans are romantic... but beware of ur typo errors...after all,u want others to have the best impression of ur work,right? ")

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2000-03-25 07:00 PM


Welcome to the family. Don't be nervous.. check your email for a special welcome..  
tom
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90
s/w penna u.s.a.
4 posted 2000-03-25 10:19 PM


Kristy24

First off, I liked your poem,freestyle is my style, say it how you feel it.
I'll let the masters get into the tech stuff,it just seemed alittle disorganised for me. Maybe clean up the edges, play with the form a bit.
Keep up the good work!

   tom

 all day-every day

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

5 posted 2000-03-26 03:30 AM


Hi Kirsty - I have to say - you're really brave to put your first post here, in Critical! Welcome to Passions.    

Well, there are quite a few lines I really like in here.

Your opening is lovely.

And 'Her spine is made from
stainless steel...' provides a unique image.

I do like the theme of your poem...and I can identify for I am Piscean and absolutely true to my sign!

I have one small suggestion right now - just fix up your small typos and then it will read a little bit better for your readers.


K




 'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath

Kirsty24
Junior Member
since 2000-03-24
Posts 40
Australia
6 posted 2000-03-26 05:26 AM


Caroline7 - Thanks for the comment, it was a nice welcome in.

Kaile - Thanks for the welcome in.. I never even looked at my typos before I had posted the poem and it was too late when I had done it.

PoetDeVine- Thanks for the special welcome, I forwarded it on to a few of my online friends and they were quite surprised to see my work online, not as surprised as me putting it on in the fisrt place

Tom - Thanks!!.. I like to write in freestyle as well, sometimes it becomes a little disorganised as you mentioned

Severn - I think that I put my first in critical because I did not want people to just say that it was nice and leave it at that. Even though I do not like being critisized too much I think that this time I will give it a try and see how I handle it      

Thanks again all



[This message has been edited by Kirsty24 (edited 03-26-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
7 posted 2000-03-27 01:49 PM


Hi Kristy,

Let me add my "Welcome to Passions." Don't be intimidated by the rumors you might have heard about the folks in here. Nearly all of us are just here to learn, improve our writing skills and have a little fun in the process. I would like to echo Kaile's suggestion to proofread. I didn't see this one before you edited (I assume to correct some typos) but I think you still have one left.

   "She'll giver herself caustiously"

Not too bad but should be fixed to give a better impression.

I quote your answer to Severn here:

   "Severn - I think that I put my first in critical because I did not want people to just say that it was nice and leave it at that. Even though I do not like being critisized too much I think that this time I will give it a try and see how I handle it "

I would say that you won't be criticized in here. Instead your writing will be critiqued. An altogether different thing. So keep 'em coming and have fun with the rest of us.



 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



Collins
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 57

8 posted 2000-03-28 06:33 PM


i'm no critic, but i know what i like.

i love you poem.

(Maybe clean up aound the edges, but still a great poem!!)

 

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