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Critical Analysis #1
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dhuron
Member
since 2000-03-19
Posts 476


0 posted 2000-03-19 07:25 AM


Words,
filled with hate and hurt
words
become swords that cut to the core

Emotions are neglected
as the blade is released
and pierces the heart
inflicting a fatal wound.

Cast out into the dark
once again, as demanded by fate
when will the mind learn
what the soul knows...solitude

No physical pain
can compare to the pain
of the soul being denouced while the heart
is torn asunder

Displaced in time
rejected
the soul and heart die
Never able to function again.


© Copyright 2000 Daniel Huron - All Rights Reserved
Tony Di Bart
Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160
Toronto, Canada
1 posted 2000-03-19 11:07 AM


dhuron

Ah the tragedy. I am a sucker for these types of poems.  I have a whole collection of them, many I have written myself. But, I digress. Back to your poem.

1st Stanza

I would lose the second Words.  Trips me when I read it and I think it is totally unnecessary. Otherwise goop opening.

Second stanza

I see the connection to the first one ie the idea of the sword.

THird Stanza

I would loose the "once again". I have learned that these two words can transform an entire work from poetic beauty into  a giant teenager like whine.  I would take it out and the stanza is far more powerful. Also the ...solitude at the end kind confuses me.

Fourthe and Fifth.

I like the soul being denounced.  but I think that you could have a more powerful ending in the last stanza.

Thanks for posting.  I could really identify with you poem.

See ya

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