A Letter From Chris - pipTalk Forums

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kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2000-03-17 11:04 AM

Dear Papa and Mama,
I remember once asking
"Where did I come from?"
You waved me aside and laughed
"Why,dear,you were picked up
from the rubbish bin"
Well,I guess that's why I am
always cast aside with
my Winnie the Pooh and
Pokemon and Garfield
and my millionzillion toys
while you go out to work in your
black suits and ties and briefcases.
No time to play with me and my Pooh
No time to listen to our delightful adventures
Well,I guess I shouldn't complain
For I am just worthless trash
from the rubbish bin
I don't deserve to be in the
limelight of your lives
And i think that's why
i am just an afterthought
left alone in the back seat
of your minds.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-03-17 12:28 PM

Kaile:

This one packs a strong message that, I think, is made stronger by my having two young children myself. I think your poem addresses well the all-too-common tendency for parents to brush aside the responsibilities of parenthood. I thought this was well written and emotively moving. Nice work here, Kaile.

Jim

Diana B
Member

since 2000-03-10

Posts 97

2 posted 2000-03-17 01:07 PM

ah, you have touched subject close to my heart...seems to me so many are having children one week and then six six weeks later shuffling them off to day care like a crock pot meal left to simmer by itself while you live other more interesting aspects of your life...astounds me totally. i really thought you carried the flow of this so well from beginning to conclusion...my tongue never stumbled once on your words.

bboog
Member

since 2000-02-29

Posts 303
Valencia, California

3 posted 2000-03-18 07:04 PM

K~
I liked this poem! Seems sincere and heartfelt. Flea sized quibble would be to clean up the punctuation. Good job!
best regards,
bboog

[This message has been edited by bboog (edited 03-18-2000).]

INclan
Senior Member

since 1999-07-20

Posts 1024
Indiana, USA

4 posted 2000-03-19 07:43 AM

Kaile,

I am not sure I can add anything of a technical nature to your inspiration. I thought the poem flowed well and showed a good deal of thought in its construction.

Concerning the subject matter, I am a parent of 4. My wife and I agreed NOT to use daycare but rather to stagger our work hours to raise our children ourselves. This has accomplished our goals with the kids but was VERY VERY bad for our marriage. Fear not, we are working on that too.

In summation, I think it is a wonderful poem, well written, beautifully constructed, and accurately dealing with a subject which should concern all parents....our future generations. I enjoyed the read.

INclan

Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

5 posted 2000-03-19 02:24 PM

Some working parents are able to make major room for their children, but they have to really work at *that*.  A few nasty words from a parent, like the ones you quote, can skewer a kid's psyche for life.

I think the last lines are so sad.  AND so exquisite.

         i am just an afterthought
         left alone in the back seat
         of your minds.

[This message has been edited by Ted Reynolds (edited 03-19-2000).]

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