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Spring sprung...
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Spring sprung... |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Spring sprung so unexpected From melting snow I stood in awe Observed perfection of its flow So flawlessly performed Each pitch connected Played by the notes Reformed in form So worthy of great words And yet neglected My soul alone became affected Pecked by the rain In gained commotion Grain after grain I drained emotion In proper fashion Gentle motion In passing rage And raging passion Unto the page |
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| © Copyright 2000 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
I love the progression of this work...the flow of both spring and emotions...very well written. |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you Diana B! Glad you liked it! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Master, I really liked this one too. The flow was mostly smooth throughout. Like Diana, I felt a progression here. But it also reminds me of the sweat and energy expended in writing. At first, the last line seemed to jump out a little too quickly. But reading again, I think that was probably your intent, to suddenly or shockingly reveal the real subject of the poem. Thanks for the read. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you for responding NOT A POET! The sole purpose of the rhyming in this one was to capture the energy of both writing and the spring... As for the last line, it gives the poem a sort of an unexpected ending. But I agree it does sound a bit strange the first time you read it. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Master, I, too, liked the flow of this, but got a bit of a different idea of the meaning behind the well chosen words. I interpreted them to mean that the speaker was seeing the birth of spring (or anything new) with his eyes, but struggled very hard to try to put what he saw into words, and this unnerved him. He felt he alone was seeing and feeling, and determinedly began to write, until, like spring, he was at his peak... and writing from passion. I'm not sure I understood "passing rage", however, unless it just meant the speaker was putting everything into his writing. I enjoyed reading this very much, Master (Do you have another name we could use? I get the willies from calling somebody "Master". And, No, guys, it's not because I'm a feminist or anything like that, or that I'm insecure...) Kristine Let compassion breathe in and out of you filling you with poems. ~ Jane Cooper |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder! I love to hear what my readers see, sometimes they help me find stuff in my poetry that I didn't intend to write. Thank you for responding! Just to explain myself, "Master" was a character in one of my favorite books, "Master and Margaritta," that's where I got the nickname from. My real name is Andre. |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
M~ This one seemed to start a little awkwardly to me. Example: Spring sprung so unexpected From melting snow I stood in awe Observed perfection of its flow Maybe: Spring sprung so unexpected From melting snow I observed perfection and stood in awe of its flow So flawlessly performed |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
I have to disagree with you bboog! I can't imagine this one starting any other way. If you read it aloud it has a certain flow to it. But thank you for your suggestion anyway! |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Master, I saw nothing awkward about the way this poem started or the way it ended. I am passionate about the seasons and I love the ending of this poem, the rhyming and the inner rhyming, the build-up to the final pouring of passion onto the page. That is exactly how passion flows and builds. That is how it pours from the poet. In fact, your words come from deep within and burst onto the page. There's nothing I would change about this poem. I think it's perfect the way it is Liz |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Master A~ What didn't and doesn't seem clear (to me) in your opening is "the flow" and what exactly is it that you are in awe of. Are you referring to the snow melting or spring becoming a season after winter? Or both? Please realize that I live in Southern California where there is very little seasonal change. There is a rainy season and a hot season. (No snow melting) So when I originally read this poem, I got the idea that the speaker was watching the snow melting and felt in awe by that. Most likely, however, you felt in awe of the seasons changing. In that case, a line with "seasons change" in it might have helped some of us thicker-headed readers who are still back at the ranch watching the flow of the melted snow. And wondering why you are in awe of it. (Which seemed a bit awkward to me) Also you have two "the's". One in "played by the notes" and the second in "Pecked by the rain" that seem unnecesary (to me). But that's just thick-headed me. best regards, bboog |
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