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Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97


0 posted 2000-03-14 12:04 PM


Rhapsody of Silence

stepping stone passages
foaming waters cutting edge
glazed images reflecting
emblazoned souls repressing
death of silent lovers mourned,
passing meteors in descension.

hallowed echoes ancient sky
twilights weariness refracted, back
to glean myriads of dreamers ragged
memory cast to distance crumbling
stoneless cairns heart worn
chiseled cold from broken souls.

glass mosaic nightingale
hollow throated warbler,
torchlight on a moonless night
sleepy eye lids closing bitter.
endless reveries dream fed
a golden once upon thrills
a ripened throng penitential.

plaited thorns monumental
magnificence of bold eternal
burdened by a prayer to god
housed ignorant chilled on dawn
assured that fallen horsemen ride
white horses fast to day break.  

swallows song dead fallen,
sparrows weep ephemeral tears,
cathedral bells deprived of chime.
west wind red poppy petal fed, melancholy
mortals song, artifice of defilement.
foaming tides washed to weary,  
shadows stilled to whimper
rhapsodies in silence born,
whispered mists to shores forlorn.


© Copyright 2000 Diana B - All Rights Reserved
LittleBoyLost
Junior Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 28

1 posted 2000-03-14 09:40 PM


I had a hard time getting past all the words to the real meaning of this poem.  I'm sorry I can't offer much more than looks like you have a pretty extensive vocabulary.  Thank you.
Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

2 posted 2000-03-14 11:16 PM


LittleBoyLost: Thank you for taking time to read this.  Yes it is hard to grasp.  It was a challenge poem and i did push the envelope with it. Maybe i needed to tell people to look for the interior poems first, then the rest will be fairly easy  Thanks for your honesty, i do appreciate that.  Will email the "solution" over the weekend to all who care to take a shot at analyzing it.



[This message has been edited by Diana B (edited 03-18-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2000-03-15 09:48 AM


Hi Diana,

I have to agree with LBL this time. I think the long series of images and adjectives with no real verbs leaves me, as the reader, a little flat. You have done an impressive job of presenting images but they just don't seem to hold together or go anywhere. From your response to LBL, I gather that you were intentionally hiding some meaning inside. But I think you would hold interest better if something were to happen from time-to-time.

Just my humble opinion, one that will most likely be proven wrong in the final tally.


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



Patrick B
Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 58
uk
4 posted 2000-03-15 10:21 AM


I enjoyed the poem...I found it an exhausting journey but refreshed by the images created....it took numerous reads

 hello darkness my old friend



Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

5 posted 2000-03-15 12:15 PM


Not a Poet:  thank you for your honest comments.  i see now i should never have posted this without an explanation.  you are correct is not a quick read and move on.  this was written a in response to a challenge issued by a group of us who like to test to the fullest the limitations of each others knowledge, intelligence and creativity.  i humbly admit we do go overboard sometimes and perhaps i should not have posted Rhapsody on this board.                          
i do apologize for any misunderstanding.
i am posting an abbreviated form of the challenge so all may understand my work did have a purpose and was not meant merely to confuse the average reader.
1.  "Robert Pinsky, the 39th Poet Laureate of the United States, believes that poetry is a vocal art, an art meant to be read aloud. "If a poem is written well,"   written with the poet's voice and for a voice. Reading a poem silently instead of saying apoem is like the difference between staring at sheet music and actually humming or playing the music on an instrument."
2. "Poetry is a beautiful art form that is slowly disappearing into the depths known as the "intellectually elite" where it is only appreciated by a scarce few. Please, poetry isn't meant to be destroyed by dissection because of its own symbolic nature! Read poetry and ENJOY poetry for what it is!" (ALS 1999)
3. "when two voices shall be heard in heaven as but one...paradise has been regained...)
(djb1999)



[This message has been edited by Diana B (edited 03-15-2000).]

Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

6 posted 2000-03-15 12:35 PM


patrick b:   LOL... i should have known you would solve this one in
record time.  your genius never ceases to amaze me!...someday i will
manage to stump you...lol... in my dreams i should be so lucky!
do you know that it took a group of 4 from "Poetic Genius Society"
twice as long to solve this as it did you working on your own...
astounding! (as usual) lol.
D.

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
7 posted 2000-03-15 04:44 PM


Diana,

Sorry if I seemed to you to suggest that your work didn't belong here. It certainly does. I believe anything reasonably construed to be a poem is valid and to be appreciated in here. Your Rhapsody certainly qualifies. So please don't be offended by my comments. I thought your imagery was beautiful, I only asked for verbs to help me read it. That's probably my shortcoming rather than yours. And please don't apologize. I was not offended in any way.

Thanks and sorry again. Hope to see more soon  


 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
8 posted 2000-03-15 07:07 PM


I'll try to get back to the poem later but I was struck by your explanation. First, there is nothing wrong with posting any type of poetry on this board (except for certain types already explained in the general guidelines). Still, I'm intrigued by your explanation:

1.  "Robert Pinsky, the 39th Poet Laureate of the United States, believes that poetry is a vocal art, an art meant to be read aloud. "If a poem is written well,"   written with the poet's voice and for a voice. Reading a poem silently instead of saying a poem is like the difference between staring at sheet music and actually humming or playing the music on an instrument."

Pinsky was certainly not the first person to say this. While it is true that poetry does not have to be 'understood' to be enjoyed, the lack of narrative, the lack of movement is what makes it a little tedious to read. Pete is correct, I think, with his 'lack of verbs' comment. Don't forget that classical music is often narratively constructed and even modern jazz has a sense of movement.

2. "Poetry is a beautiful art form that is slowly disappearing into the depths known as the "intellectually elite" where it is only appreciated by a scarce few. Please, poetry isn't meant to be destroyed by dissection because of its own symbolic nature! Read poetry and ENJOY poetry for what it is!" (ALS 1999)

Again, a slightly off statement that doesn't seem to understand why most people read or what most people expect. Are you, or this person, saying that the majority are simply reading wrong and shouldn't? How more 'intellectually elite' can you get?

3. "when two voices shall be heard in heaven as but one...paradise has been regained...)

Okay, but we're not in heaven right now.

Ultimately, it is not the images or the sound of the poem that deadens the reader here but the lack of movement (the verbs). Perhaps your group has forgotten that poetry is read through time and that, whether you like it or not, movement, epiphany, and insight are essential to making a poem interesting (most of the time).

Academics 'dissect' poems, not to find the joy, but to explain the joy that is already there.

Brad

Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

9 posted 2000-03-15 10:24 PM


Not A Poet:  Oh my this is getting totally out of hand. I was in no way offended
by your comments.  I was really quite flattered that first of all you liked the
images and secondly you found a clue right off in the lack of verbs
connecting, defining and refining, if you will, those images.  That amazed me
completely. I simply realized that it was rather unfair to post something like this
without a brief explanation, giving the reader an opportunity to either work the
puzzle or say no thanks and not struggle with trying to understand something so
complex and out of the ordinary.    

Brad:  your comments seem to be directed at the challenge and the challengers
rather than the work.  I find it difficult to understand why you felt it necessary
to do that.   The part of the challenge that I posted, as I stated, was but an
abbreviation.  The items listed 1-3 were simply a small section of the challenge
that I felt was easily discernible and identifiable in my poem and would make
perfectly plain to the reader that my work was written for a definite purpose
under specific guidelines and never meant to be a "work of art" for a general
audience.
#1 (Pinsky quote).  The title  Rhapsody of Silence,  the silence of motion in the
work, (lack of verbs giving flow), the numerous images of silence, and things
silenced, death, crumbling, glass nightingale, fallen horsemen,  etc.
#2.  (ALS quote)My poem I feel epitomizes the statement...it was written to
express the intellectually elite agenda and can never be understood without
dissection.  Do i agree with the statement itself?   That answer is irrelevant to the
work product . I would never presume to understand why most people read or
what they expect nor would I ever imply they are "reading wrong and
shouldn't", that is your statement.   I feel that this is rather an inflammatory
misstatement of #2 and also leaves the reader with the impression I am
condoning that type of work and negating the importance of the reader. Nothing
is further from the truth.  This was an exercise pure and simple.
#3.  (djb quote)You missed this one entirely...of course we are not in
heaven...take a look around...this was meant to show that a great work of art,
paradise if you will,  brings as much joy to the reader as to the artist who created
it without the need for explanation by an academic or a "dissection" of the work
itself ...my work clearly showed that indeed the two voices, reader and artist,
were not being  heard as one.
I sense some hostility in your statement "whether your like it or not" and am
totally baffled by it.  It seems like you are presuming my group wanted to either
present or hold back and "interesting" poem to or from  the reader..  That was
never the point.  They were exercises written under strict guidelines meant only
for  the edification of the writer,the group and any other person interested in
reading them with an open mind. As I thought I had explained.  All of us in the
group love poetry as much as you and do know what poetry is all about, so a
lecture is really unnecessary.   As for your statement that academics "dissect"
poems "to explain the joy that is already there", I feel that is an erroneous
presumption on your part. Some academics and academicians I know have told
me that they often critique poetry simply to project their own agendas on the
reader or denigrate the integrity of a poet whose writings are not to their liking.
But of course I would never presume that to be the motivation of the majority.  I
thank you for taking time to read and comment.  Please be assured that from
now on I will only post my personal works and no more exercises.  Being young
and inexperienced(I am 18 and have been writing only a couple of months) I
made a mistake posting this and I did apologize and explain what type of work
it was, an exercise that was meant only for my group.    Why you felt the need to
rehash it I dont understand.   Can we all move on now and put this behind us?

jenni
Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478
Washington D.C.
10 posted 2000-03-16 03:59 AM


diana --

i can see you're getting a little frustrated about this, but can i ask you a question or two?  i've read everything you've said, but i still don't get the point of your exercise.  

ok, pinsky says poetry is a vocal art.  i agree with him entirely.  ok, poetry shouldn't be over-intellectualized.  fine.  but how is this reflected in your poem?  are you simply trying to string together words that sound good together, and have little meaning?  that's what it seems like, to be honest, a laundry list of images, somewhat loosely tied together (some of them, anyway) with the silence thing.  quite a few images, though, DON'T have anything to do with silence, or things silenced, so i don't quite get it.  

i think all pete and brad are saying is having verbs in the piece would make the poem stronger, more effective.  i have to say i agree with them entirely.  i understand this was "just an exercise", but again, i have to say, what's the point of the exercise?  is it merely intended to be the equivalent of playing scales on the piano?  certain sections of the phone book have one sonorous name after another, when read out loud it sounds really cool, but so what?  brad is absolutely right when he says "While it is true that poetry does not have to be 'understood' to be enjoyed, the lack of narrative, the lack of movement is what makes it a little tedious to read."  i would think you could still write a piece that sounded great read out loud, and didn't require an english lit PhD to figure out, but still had some kind of movement to it.  like pinsky's stuff, actually.  

your writing group sounds great, and i'm always interested in writing exercises of all kinds, so i really am sincere here, in trying to figure out what you were trying to accomplish with this piece.  writing something that emphasizes one aspect of poetry (sound, for example, and you do have some good sounds here) is great, but do you see pete and brad's point (and mine) about the lack of movement here?  do you disagree that this poem needs or would be better with movement?  do you think the exercise could have been accomplished more effectively by producing a piece with movement?  

ok, i'll shut up now.  

jenni

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
11 posted 2000-03-16 04:05 AM


First, no hostility intended at all.

Second, I'm very confused by your statement here. Let me get this straight, you don't like this poem? What are your feelings for the poem?

Third, I don't stop (I take breaks now and then) because I don't believe that a conversation ever dies, it lies low only to rise again.

More later  
Brad

PS Geez, I hope you don't think I was trying to persecute you.  

Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

12 posted 2000-03-16 06:46 AM


Turning up the metallica full blast in the head phones...takes the backhoe and buries the Rhapsody in a shallow grave uttering... kyrie eleison on all poets and their creations.
As the tears of loss flow silently splashing her broken heart...mumbles softly to herself...interpretaion, dissection, explanation, definition... this silly piece of spam died glorified and rose to heaven. Praised be all the academics and academicians  Amen.

whipsnade
Junior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 40

13 posted 2000-04-01 06:33 PM


    


               Yeah !!!

               Whipsnade

Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

14 posted 2000-04-01 10:52 PM


you know people the more i read this piece the better i like it lol
you dont get it?  sorry you'll just have to learn to live with it because its baaacccckkk
not that i wanted it to be.
some one unburied it dont ask me why
i got it...april fools joke right? lol

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