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Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97


0 posted 2000-03-11 12:59 PM



Restitution

What age becomes a child a man
that we should kill him for his sins,
is not that judgment
within Gods grace?
Have we learned nothing from the passion plays,
always waiting for another victim?
And the unborn, what horrors we have
visited in ignorance on these innocents.
Explain to me if you can how one life has
more value than another...
it eludes my comprehension.
A death for convenience,
to simply salve the darkness
for what justification?
Just one look and the judges are
as guilty as the sinners
who claim gods right for selfish ends.
An eye for an eye was long ago
displaced by Love,
have we forgotten ?
In this culture of death
an eye for an eye if you want I will bargain...
give me all your unclaimed victims, token
restitution for my
innocents remembered,
Auszwitz, Buchenwald, Belsen, Dachau, Treblinka,
Croatia, Viet Nam, Hiroshima, Appomatox,
Little Big Horn, Selma, Birmingham, Cambodia,
Rwanda, Srbenica, Flanders,Timor,
Dublin, Ulster, Trail of Tears, Pearl Harbor,
Nagasaki, Korea, Poland, Shiloh...


© Copyright 2000 Diana B - All Rights Reserved
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
1 posted 2000-03-12 01:49 AM


Diana:

Welcome to Passions and welcome to Critical Analysis.  While I have some very few philosophical differences from you here I concede that you delivered your message well and with conviction.

"What age becomes a child a man
that we should kill him for his sins,
is not that judgment
within Gods grace?"

This was actually the only portion of your poem that confused me, particularly "is not that judgment within God's grace?"  Are you zeroing in on convicted youth murderers, murderers in general or someone else or all of the above?  "Within God's grace ..." Are you referring to some age of reason or the atoning grace of Christian conversion?  I'm left a little confused here.

"Have we learned nothing from the passion plays,
always waiting for another victim?"

I am guessing that this is a reference to the lesson of grace and mercy that is communicated in the Christian remembrance of the Passion (the crucifixion of Christ).

"And the unborn, what horrors we have
visited in ignorance on these innocents.
Explain to me if you can how one life has
more value than another...
it eludes my comprehension.
A death for convenience,
to simply salve the darkness
for what justification?"

I'm actually in agreement with your content here and find myself asking the same questions.  The frustration being communicated in these lines is palpable.  Well written lines.

"Just one look and the judges are
as guilty as the sinners
who claim gods right for selfish ends.
An eye for an eye was long ago
displaced by Love,
have we forgotten ? "

Just curious, do the "selfish ends" of the judges necessarily impact the punishability of the a horrendous act such as murder?  Again, the line is well written.  There are some fairly recognizable allusions to biblical texts but they, and their contents, are common enough to be recognized as such.  I take it the "eye for an eye" refers to the Old Testament limitation on punishment to ensure that the punishment fit (and did not excede) the crime.

"In this culture of death
an eye for an eye if you want I will bargain...
give me all your unclaimed victims, token
restitution for my
innocents remembered,
Auszwitz, Buchenwald, Belsen, Dachau, Treblinka,
Croatia, Viet Nam, Hiroshima, Appomatox,
Little Big Horn, Selma, Birmingham, Cambodia,
Rwanda, Srbenica, Flanders,Timor,
Dublin, Ulster, Trail of Tears, Pearl Harbor,
Nagasaki, Korea, Poland, Shiloh..."

I liked your ending.  The list of places, most of them being very familiar to me, carry with them the atrocities that were committed in those places.  Interesting that you should mention Ulster ... just curious whether you had the modern Northern Ireland in mind or whether you were referring in any way the Cromwellian and Elizabethan Settlements and to Drogheda and Wexford.  I guess it doesn't matter.  I am curious, though.

Overall I'd say this is a strong job.  Again, you've communicated your convictions well (except for the first four lines for me) and the list at the end was a dramatic touch.  I liked this.

Jim



Diana B
Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97

2 posted 2000-03-12 08:15 AM


Jim...thanks for your comments.  first lines were a rewrite on advise of a friend...original was something like "...his sins, reserved for gods final judgment"
original thought was about death penalty for minors in US but tried to include all death sentences since i disagree with that punishment...and did it badly i now see.   used passion plays as a more general reference for those with less religious conviction...more influenced by media if you will ref..Oberammergau Passion Play even Jesus Christ Superstar...
"selfish ends"...desperate try to end the cycle that allows that what is adjudicated is necessarily moral or acceptable in gods eyes...ref. judges in modern and biblical contexts...today judges to me do not act according to gospel message as biblical judges were to have acted according to their faith...instead are influenced by popular opinion....and that of course is just my opinion...again thanks for taking time on this poor work of mine...modern Ulster...btw, but will check out those that you mentioned for my edification.


Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
3 posted 2000-03-12 06:45 PM


I don't know if you intended this but the ending distinctly reminds me of Yeats in 'Easter, 1916'.

I'll leave the biblical stuff to Jim but I find the choice of names and lands to be intriguing. I like the fact that Asia is placed highly here (a place 'very far' from my concerns at the moment as someone at a different forum pointed out when referring to Timor.)

While the native American massacres are represented, I'm surprized that there is no mention of American massacres within the borders (native Americans do not technically live on American soil -- boy that sounds strange, doesn't it?). What about the worker uprisings of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century (America has the most violent history of labor relations -- hard to believe, huh?) or the Civil Rights movement or perhaps even Los Angeles -- largest riots in US history. Personally, it that wasn't an uprising, what do you call a spontaneous uprising against the authority of a government?

Perhaps I'm just complaining about air here because I like the variety presented and certainly don't think Americans should be more -centric than they are already are.


Brad

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