Be critical - Of Hearts and Snow.

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Critical Analysis #1

Be critical - Of Hearts and Snow.

Tan
New Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 7

0 posted 2000-03-06 12:34 PM

Embedded with ice as cold as my frozen tears
What was once as cruel as a winter storm, Summer stirs
From motionless streams, will life emerge?
Will Summer share warmth, though rightfully hers?

The green but a memory distant and faint
'Til beaming the sun bears his burning gold face
And melting the snow and the hearts and the lakes
Summer destroys and renews and creates

Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

1 posted 2000-03-06 02:29 PM

The second stanza is great.  It's got the lilt of the best of Walter Scott.  The last two lines are particularly gorgeous.
"And melting the snow and the hearts and the lakes
        Summer destroys and renews and creates"
So why is the first stanza so uneven and patchy?  Wouldn't you like to try to bring that rolling meter back into the beginning of your poem?  Say,
"Embedded with ice just as cold as my tears,
And as cruel as a winter storm, Summer awakes . . ."
and so on.  (Not using my words, of course, but the meaning *you* want, with this meter.)
     Also, do you really live in a place where there's no Spring?

Tan
New Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 7

2 posted 2000-03-07 03:11 AM

Thankyou for being critical. I see what you mean i will try to fix that. In regards to your question about living without spring, yes i do because it's more about me and i seem to go from winter straight to summer!

Trevor
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 700
Canada

3 posted 2000-03-07 04:41 PM

Hello,

I liked the flow of the first stanza and how it contrasted with the second but I didn't think the content was as strong here as in the second. "ice as cold as my frozen tears"
came off cliched and muddled because frozen tears has been used a lot and frozen tears are ice so it seemed like all you were saying was "ice as cold as ice", "cruel as a winter storm" also didn't seem to fit for me but wasn't as badly cliched as the first.

I agree with Ted about the second stanza. I thought it was excellent especially the last two lines. Anyways, pretty good poem, thanks for the read. Take care,
Trevor

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