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Critical Analysis #1
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My hero
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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My hero |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
Something i wrote when i was watching interviews with one of my rock and roll heroes, and how i felt he was as full of ****, as anyone of us is. Hero, Hero on the wall Who is the proudest of them all? Higher up Above me There’s nothing I can see Except you On the pedestal Stool Chair I put under your feet So you can receive more Sun Than me And cast a shadow To protect me From feeling my own rays Your permutations Obfuscation Adjective attacks Had me enthralled Trailing your wake Not being able to see You’re just as fake As me Him or I With the lights Lights Lights Cameras Everywhere Your posturing Made me aware It seemed real Seemed crisp A man I wished to be Your strength Muscular build Symbolic tattoos You were Certainly Sure of what it meant To be And now When I see your face Hear your voice I no longer want to embrace Your mind Heart Or body I’ve grown up I suppose I don’t need a highchair To see the world Anymore And yet from my new View I feel a bit sad Melancholic Because I see my hero Without his cape Spider sense And angelic halo From the camera’s lights And see that he can’t Save the world Like I once thought he could He isn’t a demi-god As his appearance used To inform me He isn’t so many things But what is unsettling Is what he is A man In flesh Nothing more Nothing less Than another One of us quote: |
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| © Copyright 2000 patchoulipumpkin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I like the idea behind the poem and I thought there were certain parts that were especially well done. This is something everyone will go through at one time of another, realizing that their heroes and famous people, are just like your or I only in a different set of circumstances. Suggestions: I don't know if I liked the snow white beginning. I see how it could be relevant but I find it distracting. I like the reference to spider sense to distract from the cliche of a hero without his cape. There are some other little things that I thought might be cut out and still leave the poem in good shape (when I say this I mean things like "I suppose" in the 6th stanza and the "And" that begins the 5th, 7th, and 8th stanza). |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Generally, I'm going to agree with Kirk on this one. I think you have a good poem here and I like the idea behind it but think you should consider trimming it down a little bit. You spent a considerable amount of time building to a conclusion the reader suspected half-way through (if not before) and the ending, therefore, was not very surprising and had less impact than I thought it could have. In my opinion, I think this poem would have a much stronger punch if you condensed it a bit. I liked the "Snow White" parallelism ... I thought it communicated well the sense of the fantasy world hero-worshippers tend to inhabit. I also kinda liked "Spider Sense" (oh well, I have a weakness for Spidey). Later. Jim |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
to me you've got almost two god poems here. in one you abandon the hero worship of a rock god because you realize that he's fake and you declare that you're grown up now and you don't need that. in another you feel some loss for what has transpired. you feel as though he was a "demi-god" and now you see a mere mortal. at this point, i really want the narrator to regain his confidence of just a few stanzas ago. he was sure of himself, but now he's sad. i don't know why, but it seems like you need a better transition from maturity to melancholia. maybe you could add on there what it made you realize about yourself in a more specific sense. i was glad to see however the denounciation of our present day rock icons. aren't they all the same? i particularly liked the vocabulary used the second stanza. the words just flow together. |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
thanks for all your comments they have been really helpful. Roxane thanks for the insight, yeh i kind of did have two themes going at once, maybe i could split them some how, but i do appreciate your comments. I know they are all the same, I just saw right through the hero in question during a series of interviews, he just came off as such a pretentious, egotistical, narcissist who is way too much in love with himself. Annoying, but true. Thanks again. |
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