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Critical Analysis #1
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The Salesman
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Salesman |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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He had it down, perfectly, An oft practiced pitch, A wheeler-dealer, selling himself, Just as he sold those packages. The packages of such shallow promise, Decorated with gaudy ribbons, pretty bows, Fancy foil wrappings in sparkling hues, That when torn away, exposed the rhetoric, Laid bare the prevarication, the duplicity, The atrophied essence of what could yet Be untainted sincerity. If only he knew, that he was not the center, The core, the heart. A swaggering egotist, Over-full of confidence, But also diaphanous in my sight, My perception, and my judgement. And so, I did not make any deals, Do any bargaining, I didn't buy the embellished facade, But I know he'll just go down the road, Looking for a trusting, gullible woman, Who will order the entire package, And pay for it at much more Than market price. Kristine < !signature--> All that we see or seem - Is but a dream within a dream ~ Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 02-27-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hello warmhrt I read your peom earlier, printed it and read it somemore. I like the poem over all and there are some really good images that you use. There are some points however that I thought were weak. Stanza 1 I like it nice intro but the last line I think you can take out.It kind tripped me up. Stanza 2 The opening line is a little hollow when comapred to the stonger imagery in the rest of the stanza. The rest of the stanza is great. I like the way you start talking about packages and then transition it into the sales person. really well done Stanza 3 Very strong stanza wonderful imagery and great flow. Then the last line it's ok but we know it's your perception i do not think that you need to state it and the judgement statment weakens an other wise powerful stanza. Stanza 4 Good stanza but in my opinion stanza 3 is far more powerful and this is a little bit of a let down. Just my opinions. Thanks for the read I enjoyed it. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Nice idea. People turn salesmen down all the time without stopping to think about it, but you did stop to think about it and even wrote a poem. I agree about losing the last line of the first stanza. 2nd stanza:I'd move "be" to the line above so that it reads "of what could yet be". 3rd stanza: "my perception" is the same as "in my sight" and "my judgement" combined, it seems redundant, so I'd keep only "my perception". 4th stanza: I would lose "And so". Just an idea: the poem might work from the POV of the salesman. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kris: Interesting metaphor here. The "salesman" hocking his "wares" is a player selling himself, am I right? I'm not going to slice and dice this. The wording is strong and your theme develops smoothly. Kirk has an interesting idea (yes, this is a challenge). It would be very interesting to see how you would portray the thoughts of the player in this poem. How he justifies what he is doing, whether he simply ignores his conscience or if he feels guilt but is overcome with some sort of compulsion. Could be a series.  Strong work here. Jim |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jim, Thank you for reading, and for your suggestions, but I really would not want to climb into this slimy character's head. Yeccchhhhh! As far as a series goes, I hope the heck not. Kris All that we see or seem - Is but a dream within a dream ~ Edgar Allan Poe |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kris, After reading this one a couple of times, I'm not surprised that you don't want to create a series. I don't mean that it isn't good, just that I got the feeling you really didn't like the guy. Sounds like I'm rambling here. I also get a distinct impression that you are not writing about a salesman at all, at least not in the usual sense of a salesman selling goods. Am I off base here? Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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