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The Storm
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Storm |
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Cypher Junior Member
since 2000-02-19
Posts 17 |
Cosmic Truths hang breastlike. Energy gathers. Merging, they droop, pregnant with power, begin slowly to circle counterclockwise, twisting, turning, revolving, reeling, casting spinoffs into the brainstream. In this tri-state of mother, son and holy go-between, charged with electric lace enlightenment, the aware-plane gyrates, wobbles. Concept's blur- blinding tip vacuuming cranial cavities, sucks up a musty broomstraw of discarded thought, and impales it on, into and through the steel alls of consciousness, leaving an idea lodged in the mind's eye. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Cypher - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dbarbera New Member
since 2000-02-22
Posts 8Dallas, TX USA |
I like this style simply because I can't do it--I hope I grasped the idea of the birth of a thought--"charged with electric lace enlightenment" seemed forced alliteration while "cranial cavities" seemed to go with the general flow--still I liked what i think it was saying and to me that is the point of any poem--does it say anything? |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Cypher. I found this piece fascinating, and well-done, but I'm not positive if I've completely deciphered it.... "Cosmic Truths hang breastlike. Energy gathers. Merging, they droop, pregnant with power" I take it that you are saying that when universally accepted realities or statements are discussed by many, they become a powerful impetus, leading to more thought and discussion. "begin slowly to circle counterclockwise, twisting, turning, revolving, reeling, casting spinoffs into the brainstream." The thoughts on the "cosmic truth" being looked at from every possible angle ... spawning related thoughts... "In this tri-state of mother, son and holy go-between, charged with electric lace enlightenment, the aware-plane gyrates, wobbles." Now, this I had a bit of difficulty with... The cosmic statement, filtered through the brain's network of thought, from limbic impulse to the frontal lobe, though reality, begins to lose footing...??? "Concept's blur- blinding tip vacuuming cranial cavities, sucks up a musty broomstraw of discarded thought, and impales it on, into and through the steel alls of consciousness, leaving an idea lodged in the mind's eye." The center, the core, of the cosmic truth becomes lost in all of the thoughts, discussion... as one searches for an answer that may not be there, though they may produce an ancient concept to hold on to, and that becomes their reality. Was I even close? I loved the wording, especially "vaccuuming cranial cavities", and the formation constucted with the words ... a cyclone upon an even plain. Loved it...inventive, well-constructed ... just wish it were a bit more clear, but then I often tend to read more into a piece than there is. Excellent work... Kris < !signature--> All that we see or seem - Is but a dream within a dream ~ Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 02-24-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Cypher: I too found this piece fascinating. I find myself in agreement with Kris (warmhrt) on the meaning of the first ten lines. "In this tri-state of mother, son and holy go-between, charged with electric lace enlightenment, the aware-plane gyrates, wobbles." I think this is an illustration of inspiration in the making and the turmoil it causes the "inspired" in its [the ideas's] formative state but I'm not entirely sure. "Concept's blur- blinding tip vacuuming cranial cavities, sucks up a musty broomstraw of discarded thought, and impales it on, into and through the steel alls of consciousness, leaving an idea lodged in the mind's eye." I'm going to disagree with Kris here (this, btw, does not mean that Kris is wrong). I think this "musty broomstraw" is a tid-bit of knowledge acquired long ago that had nothing to which to connect itself. I think you are describing the experiences of contemplation and the "eureka" of making a connection that makes that "musty broomstraw" thought suddenly and dramatically relevant. Good job here, Cypher, and welcome to CA. Jim |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
This is really interesting , I love your format.Its beautiful , but It seems that the lavish words drown the poem .Its hard to see the poem with all those words in the way. |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Cypher I definitly like the style of the poem. I had to read it over several times and I am still not sure I understand it completly. Cosmic Truths hang breastlike. Energy gathers. Merging, they droop, pregnant with power, I interpret this imagery as the birth of thoughts and ideas. begin slowly to circle counterclockwise, twisting, turning, revolving, reeling, casting spinoffs into the brainstream. I am not sure if I see this clearly, but from these set of lines I almost get the idea that the truth is hidden where we do not look. almost a counter culture idea of truth. This is especially evident from the counter clockwise refrence that you have employed. In this tri-state of mother, son and holy go-between, charged with electric lace enlightenment, the aware-plane gyrates, wobbles. Concept's blur- blinding tip The religious refrences are apartent and I can only assume that you are refering to religious truths or dogma. I really like the holy go between reference of Jesus. An interseting interpretation of the christian belief that the only way to the father is through the son. Really well done. The last two lines are filled with amazing and fantastic imagery. However, in the last line the... steel alls of... I really do not like that alls in the middle of this wonderful poem. I know it reads great but rings weak to me. I really like the idea of impaling a thought. great imagery. Thanks for the read a great poem. I will keep reading it I am sure the intended meaning will reveal it's self Thanks For posting Tony Di Bart < !signature--> Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven claws Jim Morrison [This message has been edited by Tony Di Bart (edited 02-27-2000).] |
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Cypher Junior Member
since 2000-02-19
Posts 17 |
I'd like to thank everyone for their replies to this poem. I was hesitant to post it here in CA because I had previously read many critiques and you guys really go after it sometimes. I wasn't sure I was prepared for the onslaught of opinions. I say this toungue in cheek, however. I'm not sure I like this poem enough to try and improve on it though. That may seem shallow and contrary to the point of CA, but I posted it to read your interpretations, and I ended up enjoying your interpretations more than the poem itself. The only light I can add to the meaning of the poem, is that while I was writing it, I was listening to a debate on my headphones between William Lane Craig and Peter Atkins on the evidence for/against the existence of God. I believe my stream of thoughts were most influenced by Atkins' arguments, although I hold no similar beliefs. By the way, Craig was for the affirmative, Atkins was against the affirmative. In my humble opinion, Craig won the debate hands down. But back to the poem, I really don't know what it means, however, I also couldn't understand much of the metaphysical babble of the voice that inspired it. I was inspired to format it in the shape of a twister not only because of it's subject, but also because thunder was literally shaking my home. Which begs the question, what was I doing on the computer during a thunderstorm? Thanks again for the comments. If anyone would like to revise this poem and take it in another direction/change the wording, my permission is granted. -Cypher |
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