»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Profound Nudity of Trees
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Profound Nudity of Trees |
|
|
Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
The trees are bare. Some have met their mortality, or at least partially; those learnèd sections ready to give up the ghost. The trees are bare. New sappling sprouts shoot out from still-living limbs, their newness showcased in hues of red and purple. The trees are bare. Stripes colored of winter lovers' cheeks and knuckles flutter, borne up by God's breath they show pride in supporting our fifty starry symbols; aloft and bright. The trees are bare. Tell our Green Mother To clothe herself in chlorophyl, dress her children for feeding. Make-shift clouds from chimneys want not this preparation, their business is in coldness. But, o'er there; a sign, a herald, a harbinger. 'Tis a blossom; no more bare trees. Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Alain DeLaCendres - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Alain: I admit it, I admit it. Your title snagged me like a fish in a gill net. Over all I was impressed by your wording and imagery. The only suggestion I can offer you is to try to do the same with your opening line as you did with the vast majority of your poem. "The trees are bare. Some have met their mortality, or at least partially;" This just seemed a little flat to me and seemed out of place with inspired lines such as: "... Stripes colored of winter lovers' cheeks and knuckles flutter, borne up by God's breath they show pride in supporting our fifty starry symbols;" and "The trees are bare. Tell our Green Mother ... To clothe herself in chlorophyl, dress her children for feeding." Your rhythm and placement of accented words/syllables can be nothing else but deliberate and, especially in the second two stanzas, this complimented your excellent choice of wording. I loved your ending, by the way. I thought "no more bare trees" was a powerful conclusion in spite of its simplicity. Thanks for the read. Jim |
||
|
jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
alain-- can you (or anyone else, for that matter) tell me what the significance of the flag is in the second stanza? i'm obviously missing something, but i just don't get it. what's the connection between the bulk of the second stanza and the rest of the piece? please, forgive me for being dense! but i would really like to know. jenni |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
rotflmao the word "dense" and thy fair name sit ill together fair maid ...  BUT ... I saw the connection as being something to do with timber flagpoles "trees stripped bare" ... am I near? also slight typo on "sapling" maybe .. thought provoking poem Alain Philip |
||
|
Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
jbouder, I totally agree with you. I know the opening lines are weak, but as of yet I've not found a suitable arrangement of words to compliment the rest of the poem..but I will work on it. "Your rhythm and placement of accented words/syllables can be nothing else but deliberate and, especially in the second two stanzas, this complimented your excellent choice of wording." Well, I thank you greatly for this compliment, but I must admit I do not deserve it. The accented words'syllables is anything but deliberate, only pure luck of the draw. I hate trying to make a syllable pattern, I just go with what I think sounds okay...hehe, thanks for reading, jbouder. jenni...the significance of the flag.. well, um..tell you what. I was looking out the study hall window when I wrote this, watching the wind blown the bare limbs of the trees and I saw a shredded American flag fluttering off in the distance. Literally, that is the only connection, metaphorically is a whole different matter, of course. On that course, I guess you could say how the flag represents the American nation and its birth and flourishment of our country, the rebirth of the modern concept of "freedom" though the U.S., which contrasts to the spring and the blosoming of the trees, ect..thanks for reading jenni. Poertree, I believe you may be right about that typo, but I cannot place my dictionary at the moment..hehe, I will take your word on the matter. Timber flagpoles...no, I never thought of that..the flag I mentioned before in my comment to jenni was on a metal pole. Not a bad association though. Thank you for reading, Poertree. Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
