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Critical Analysis #1
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Drowning" (revised)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Drowning" (revised) |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
I took all of your comments very seriously and I sat down for an intense session with this piece. I have to admit that when I write I usually don't even try to hazard a guess at the meaning of what I'm writing until after I'm done, but this time I sat down to revise with much thought to my intent. I originally sat down to write a poem called "The Nomiative Case" about all the different subjects in nature that scream to be poeticized, but when I was done, I found that my words had another idea of their own. It did remind me of the Vietnam Memorial, suprisingly, even though my thoughts were on the still-to-be-built WWII memorial. The line, "Does anyone remember but me?" refers to names for which no one visits (men who died with no family or friends), the men who died without a name (i.e. unknown soldier), and men who fought in by-gone-wars whose descendants have forgotten about them... It is also for the visitors who stand staring at one name, wondering if they are the only ones who remember whose name that is. Basically it is for all the soldiers who call to us from the other side, begging to be remembered, for only in memory can there be any kind of immortality. ==================================================== Drowning My mouth is full of images My eyes slide from name to name hungrily Each wrapped in its own deafening mystery I touch each vying, pulling one Each blinking in and out in seizuric strobes Fingers in chiseled grooves, grasping At the ethereal breath of ghosts Fogging the black stone Does anyone remember but me? My forehead is hot against the smooth marble My vision following names to the ground How many thousands of souls are here Hovering on our shoulders Each pressing, coaxing, pleading For that denied immortality of... Of memory. ==================================================== "Man was made at the end of a week's work when God was tired." -Mark Twain |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wendy Flora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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gofor42 Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 143Arkansas |
Wow. I really get the sense of the despondency of the soldier. A very powerful piece, worthy of praise from a more eloquent soul than mine. |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Yah! I like. And so true. Bravo! [This message has been edited by Trevor (edited 02-20-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Wendy, Great first two lines there. It works very well. Also, I liked the repetition of . . . of immortality. Strong interruption there with 'Does anyone remember but me?' I think this poem was very much improved by your revisions. Good job (or I'm just getting soft)  Brad |
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