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Critical Analysis #1
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Caught in The Web of Love
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Caught in The Web of Love |
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Scarlet Lady Member
since 2000-02-11
Posts 242Midwest 
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Caught in the Web of Love What a tangled web we weave I have heard it said, How true it is my love when I crept into your bed. I laid down with you in my mind so many times and places, Now all I am left with is mere fading traces. Traces of what was...... even though an illusion, Now I am dealing with realities cold hard intrusion. Can I escape this sticky trap I am caught in? Somehow break free by any strength I have from within? I am engulfed in a tangled mess of strings attached to me, Ones that I spun myself when I allowed my heart to be seen. How I wish to slip free now but it won't loose it's grip, I am spinning out of control on this fantasy trip. How funny it is that we met on the web to become entangled, A web of lies and turmoil that left our hearts mangled. Now we are free from it's grip so we say, But are we really......since we went our separate way? The strings attached tore at our very soul, Tore apart our senses and left us never to be whole. Healing is a far sight from here, But the sound of it sounds so dear. I can only wait for the day the sun will shine on what is left behind, And the day when you no longer consume every inch of my mind. And I tell myself I will never walk into that web again, As I have since learned the cost at which it takes to mend. But can I resist it's alluring temptation of promises of love? I fear I cannot resist this without help from above. Take this cup from me I plead and bargain, But then right back to it's magnetic pull I go again. Back to the Web of love.......I am caught! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to Passions and to CA. If you've read the guidelines and/or have read enough to get the general feel of what goes on here, it can be a slightly intimidating place if you're just starting (or restarting) to write poetry. If you have any questions, please e-mail me.  That said, you do have some interesting ideas here but I think you've lost it in the couplet rhyme scheme you've chosen. Generally, a couplet rhyme scheme is very difficult at expressing a serious 'feel' to your piece -- your meter is all over the place as well. Can it be done? Yes, it can but I would argue that it's one of the hardest things to do these days (actually, I might go out on a limb and blame Pope for this problem --"The Rape of the Lock" guy -- but others may disagree with that. Also, think you're trying too hard to explain the whole of a relationship and your own powerlessness to do anything with it. Maybe try to concentrate on one aspect of the whole (your imagination, your relationship, your breakup) and develop that without reference to the other parts. The longer lines are definitely a plus if you want to use the couplet scheme but I'd still rework the meter and try to get a stronger rhythm to the piece. Just some ideas, Brad |
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Scarlet Lady Member
since 2000-02-11
Posts 242Midwest |
Wow...... Brad what a great review you gave of this poem. I am a complete novice and really appreciated reading your take on it. I gained a lot of insight from your idea's and will definitely use that as a tool for future writings. I am probably like most people, who just put their feelings down and think that constitutes poetry?!?! NOT!!!!! You said, "Also, think you're trying too hard to explain the whole of a relationship and your own powerlessness to do anything with it." Your so right......I guess the main idea is really not there because too many thoughts are just floating around. That may have been ok for me, but it would not make for an enjoyable read for others who have no personal stake in the poem. Looks like this is a fun place to learn about poetry and I will hang around to learn from you veterans! Many Thanks! |
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