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cheryl cook
Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 12


0 posted 2000-02-07 01:19 AM


Uneven wings
flashing fire
Smokey eyes
Torn Desire

Sinful fairy of the night,
Hold me captive till day breaks
and wake me with the morning light.

Disbeliver, sinner, saint
Peaceful wonder, destructive bait
Posioned kisses of parted sorrow
Sweetened lies of tomorrow

Sickly sweet, sticky resin
On my lips and kiss and touch
Faded memories of faded thoughts.
Enchantment came,
Enchantment lost.

                             ~cheryl cook


© Copyright 2000 cheryl cook - All Rights Reserved
Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
1 posted 2000-02-07 05:56 AM


Cheryl

Welcome to Passions and particularly to Critical Analysis.  No doubt you'll have read the guidelines and also hopefully the comments of our Moderators on other first time posts.  If you haven't then it might be a good idea to do so  .

For some reason I can quite put my finger on I really liked the "feel" of this poem.  It had a kinda of Fantasy quality about it mainly engendered by the imagery which I felt was its strongest point:

"Uneven wings"

Interesting opening

"flashing fire"

Used a lot but somehow doesn't matter here

"Smokey eyes
Torn Desire"

Atmospheric
"Sinful fairy of the night,"
A sensuous quality is introduced

"Disbeliver, sinner, saint
Peaceful wonder, destructive bait
Posioned kisses of parted sorrow
Sweetened lies of tomorrow"
Apart from the first line which reminded me of Madonna I liked the whole stanza
"Sickly sweet, sticky resin
On my lips and kiss and touch"

Again nice imagery
Adding to the aura of the piece was the easy flow and interesting rhyme scheme and form, varying stanza sizes and from rhyming couplets to free verse.  This could perhaps have been disruptive, but in fact until I read more closely I hardly noticed the variations.

My only slight problem with the poem is that I can't quite put my finger on what it is about!  The title at first sight doesn't seem to offer much help in this direction although certainly the verse has a mesmeric quality about it.   Are we talking about some kind of illicit or sensuous love or lust here?  Or maybe a drug induced hallucination?

Perhaps you could enlighten me.

Meanwhile I enjoyed it ..

Thanks

Philip

PS small typo on "poisoned"

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
2 posted 2000-02-07 06:01 AM


wow, i get to be the 1st one to offer my comments on this poem....")
your 1st stanza reminds me of fantasy stories---Dragonlance,forgetten realms(are you a fan of those?)--liked the choice of words"torn desire"--made me anticipate for something more...
similarly, your second stanza was interesting and captivated my attention---who ever heard of an evil fairy(aren't fairies supposed to be good?)
regret to say i didn't get the gist of the third stanza(i am new to poetry and there are alot of things i don't know)but what beautiful lines!!!!"poisoned kisses of parted sorrow,sweetened lies of tomorrow"--is the speaker suffering through the pain and anguish of lost love(as the word "parted" suggests)

similarly,the fourth stanza suggests a failed relationship to me--"faded memories","enchantment gained and lost".am i remotely right???do enlighten moi if i am wrong

regret to say i can't give a warm welcome cos i am a new member....Ha!!!")

cheryl cook
Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 12

3 posted 2000-02-08 02:14 AM


Phillip, thank you for all of your comments...*sheepish grin, opps about the typo...um, i think mesmerize is the proper way of spelling the title too...
for both of you,
i wrote this after a dream i had, and was intending to portray the balence of good and evil, and how the line isn't necessarily between two things, about how it can be within one thing ...the fairy was sinful for pulling me through the midnight rendezvous, and it was torn desire, because my desire was torn betwwen, the fairy, and love in my waking realm...i suppose you could take it as a theme for all affairs, i didn't though, for mine was just a dreampt one with a fairy...No, i am not into fantasy books at all, funny you should ask, for they are the genre i like the least.  i  think i answered most of your questions...sorry if i didn't they must have slipped my mind...Thank you both for replying, i am still very new to poetry, i am 17 and was delighted to find a site such as this, for there aren't many places to get feedback on my work where i live...thanks again, cheryl

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
4 posted 2000-02-08 07:48 AM


Cheryl

Thanks for the reply.  From what you say I think maybe you are trying to explore the "relationship" between good and evil, and maybe suggesting that the line between the two isn't clearly defined, but rather fuzzy perhaps.  Is that what you meant?  

"the line isn't necessarily between two things, about how it can be within one thing .."  Are you saying here that good and evil can both exist within someone or something?  I don't quite follow .. sorry if I'm being slow.

If I understand you correctly the poem is dealing with the speaker's "illicit"? desire as expressed in a rendezvous with a sinful fairy in a dream (the evil?), and on the other hand a real life love (the good?).

Is the title is referring to the way in which the speaker is mesmerised by her dream?

Am I close .....lol ..

Just to re-iterate .. I liked the poem .. and thank you for responding so well to my mention of the typo ... and yes you were quite right about "mesmerise" .. I missed it ...lol

Philip

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
5 posted 2000-02-08 10:37 AM


Hi Cheryl, and welcome to Passions and the CA.

I enjoyed your poem. As Philip and Kaile have already said, it creates a sort of fantasy feeling. The choice of words was interesting. The rhythm and flow were very nice, with one possible exception. In the second stanza,

   Sinful fairy of the night,
   Hold me captive till day breaks
   and wake me with the morning light.

the second line makes me stumble a little. Maybe it's just me but the rest of the poem came off the tongue so easily that this line seemed to detract, not the context but the rhythm.

I also liked the repetition in the final stanza.

Thanks.
< !signature-->

 Pete

     What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
     sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
     for the mere enunciation of my theme?
          Edgar Allan Poe




[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 02-08-2000).]

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
6 posted 2000-02-08 03:14 PM


And BTW Philip, it's mesmeriZe. When will you British ever learn how to spell?  



 Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe



poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
7 posted 2000-02-08 03:18 PM


cheryl: this is beautiful    reminds me of A Midsummer Night's Dream in a number of ways... good job  

sincerely,
jerome the mysterious priest

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge



Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
8 posted 2000-02-08 03:53 PM


Good heavens Peter I thought better of you, as I said to ole Jim the other day I guess that when they left England way back they were speaking Queens and maybe something in the air over there affected them .. anyway whatever ... we came first .. lol  

.. the ever correct Philip ....

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
9 posted 2000-02-08 07:19 PM


Philip,
Far be it from me to argue for some idea of 'purity' in the English language (note to self: must start tirade against all forms of puritotalitarianism) but if you want to, I should point out that those of us from the American continents speak the language more closely to the way it was spoken two hundred and fifty years ago on that island of yours. There's a little thing called continental drift happening over there and in a way the English are reversing the Great Vowel shift of the fourteenth century (or around there). We're not.

Brad

Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
10 posted 2000-02-09 04:56 AM


Brad

Y'know i really haven't a clue what I'm talking about ... I just hate to think that "they" might be doing it "right" and us wrong ... I'm quite sure you're right ... lol

P

Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
11 posted 2000-02-09 04:38 PM


Wow this really moved me!!!
cheryl cook
Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 12

12 posted 2000-02-09 09:29 PM


I can't help but feel i am interupting something by adding in a comment here.  It is enjoyable to watch the ...um..."community" of this place, i look forwarded to the day when i start to pick up on the inside jokes.  
first of all, thank you all for responding, especially to the ones who were responding to the poem..*grin.
Fairies are known for there alluring nature, and fairies are often precieved as good.  They aren't always.  In many ways the fairy is irrelevent to the peice, in many ways not.  I was trying to show the balance of good/evil.  FOr every "good" thing, there is something "evil".  People are a prime example, for with love often comes jealousy, envy etc...No person is purely good or bad, we are open to interprutations.  Good and Bad exist within everything, and i was portraying yes, the balance within a person regarding to love and the affair.  The words "Sweetened" "poisoned" imply impurity, along with many other words/phrases, i meant to show that while they (the person in the poem, and the fairy) are having what should be a light airy, "fairy" like encounter, are having a far from pure one.  I also meant that yes, the real life love was pure, although not as mesmirizing and the longing for something illicit made this happen.  By the faded memories of faded thoughts i ment to show that it was that, a dream or thought, and the sicky sweet sticky resin was left by the poisoned/sweetened kiss of the fairy so the real life love would know that their mate was involved in "extra curricular activities".  I meant to show that we posess both good and evil, and they taint one another, and where we can't see unfaithfullness, we can taste it.

Okay, i do apologize if i have run on and become a bit off topic or anything, i seem to get lost in my brain and "spew" or so i am told. I also apologize in advane for the spelling mistakes, and you all can stop the light hearted fretting about them, unless of course, you enjoy it...*shrug...*grin
a special thanks to Phillip, for invoking my mind further, it isn't challanging to write a poem, they fall onto the paper, a real challenge is to be sure of what you want it to mean.

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